The Tinder Chronicles

*Spoiler alert, there’s some gross/creepy language ahead.

While I love staring and talking about the opposite sex, I don’t have an interest in dating at the moment. As a 25 year old straight woman, this has raised a few eyebrows. In my opinion, the only reason one would want to date, is to potentially get married. I believe that if you really want to be with someone, you need to be able to put their needs/feelings above your own. Don’t get me wrong, can I do that? Yes. Do I want to? NO.  Continue reading “The Tinder Chronicles”

The Truth About MeetUp

 

Looking for friends my age in Vegas is pretty tough. A lot of 20 somethings are here because they live for the nightlife and want to be  in a club, on the dance floor, while chemically out of their minds. I’m not knocking that lifestyle, though I prefer more low key events and being in my right state of mind. I imagine that MeetUp is pretty much the same as online dating, except you’re looking for friends. Sometimes you meet weirdos who are not who they say they are. I happened to fall victim of this circumstance a few times last year. Here is one of the instances.

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Last year, after making it my personal mission to have a little more fun, I decided to join a new MeetUp group which catered to 20-30 somethings. Since I tend to be more of a wet blanket, I figured I’d get along with an older crowd. The event was a happy hour at one of my favorite downtown bars, Commonwealth. Since I haven’t been in forever, I figured, what they hay? One of my new friends was actually part of the group so at least I had a friend should this thing go south. And boy, did it go south pretty quickly.

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One of my favorite parts of Commonwealth is that it has a great deck that holds a bunch of people overlooking downtown. Plus you can be as casual or as dressy as you like. I should also mention that I did  some recon (stalking) of the members of the group so I can get a sense of what I was walking into and I didn’t see any red flags. I made my way upstairs since that was where the MeetUp was being held. I get to the group and introduce myself to the group and I can say for certain that 90% of the women in attendance used the term 20s and 30s very liberally.

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To be honest, I’m pretty sure
that I was at least 20 years younger than most of the women (at the time I was 24). Despite my externally welcoming presence, I’m incredibly introverted. Seriously, most people are shocked to find that out, because I can come across as very social. Anyway, back to the Golden Girls.. er I mean 20s and 30s MeetUp. Instead of being awkward, I try my best to make conversation. My futile attempts were met with tight-lipped smiles. You know that smile you give when you’re talking to someone who is obviously “young” and too immature for the conversation. In my defense, I was one of the three girls who were actually in the age bracket, sorry I didn’t want to talk about denture glue.

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Anyways I digress, I ended up bonding with the other two girls who were 24 also, we were talking and then all of a sudden the moderator of the group, Bianca, brings over some creepy dudes introducing them to us “young girls”. I couldn’t believe it, I was being pimped out for my youth. The emphasis on our ages was quite obvious and the older women kept mentioning that the group was full of 20/30 somethings.

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The creepy older dudes beseeched upon us like a biblical plague. I was taken aback as this was supposed to be a girls bonding type situation. Having guys as old as your own father try to hit on you is creepy at best. Turning to look at the other girls my age, they were doing their best to be polite and cordial, though I could tell one thing was certain; we all wanted to get the hell out of there.

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I politely excused myself and the girls did the same. Laughing about the awkwardness of the situation, we left to the next bar to drink away the weird encounter. The night actually ended up being a good amount of fun. We found ourselves going back to Commonwealth for their 90s hiphop DJ. I spotted Bianca with one of the creepers she had introduced to us. To be polite, I said hello and thanked her for putting together the meetup. As I was speaking to her, her gentleman caller had started walking off into the crowd. Mid-sentence, Bianca stops talking and starts sprinting after this dude as though he is the last viable man on this earth.

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I turn to my friends, both shocked and laughing hysterically. Needless to say, that was my first and last time attending a MeetUp with the 20-30 Somethings group. Though it was a strange experience to say the least, I did make a new friend that day. While I hope the best for those ladies, I think the name “Find a Date Before it’s too Late” would be more fitting. 😉

Men of a Certain Age

I feel I should preface this by saying I don’t have “daddy issues”. In fact, my pops and I talk daily (just got off the phone with him actually). With that being said, let’s start the show!

I’ve had many interesting encounters with all kinds of people (I sense a book coming on, lol), but I find my interactions with random dudes to be the most interesting. I find that out of the XY chromosomal species I’ve ever had a random conversation with, men in their 30s+ hold way more interesting conversations. Don’t get me wrong, I still have love for the dudes in my age group, but man, interpersonal skills are few and far in between in my limited opinion/experience.

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(Commonwealth, best bar in LV, in my opinion)

Case in point, I was sitting in my favorite bar in downtown Vegas, called Commonwealth, and a guy around my age plops down next to me and says “My place or yours?”. At first I thought he was kidding, but he was legit being serious. Really not a good conversation starter. To be quite honest, I have no clue why anyone would think to lead with that. There’s been other interesting instances, but in general it’s been awkward.

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Maybe it’s because older dudes have more experience communicating or maybe they’re more self-assured. Who knows, but I find it that the conversation is more fluid and less awkward. Anywho, my fellow bloggers out there, do you think men are like a fine wine? Better with age that is, haha! Let me know. In the meantime, enjoy a short list of men of a certain age whom I admire (stalk… erm well, you get the idea).

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(RDJ, proof that aging is wonderful)

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(Idris Elba)

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(Michael Fassbender, ok guys I’m moving to the UK!)

Why Interpersonal Communication is Dead

Today, I was going to write about my fondness for admiring older men (another story for another time), but I find myself baffled by the complexities of topics such as harassment and the like. I wasn’t going to talk about such subjects because as a woman, it appears that I may have differing opinions on the matter as opposed to the masses. However, after watching some troubling YouTube videos and reading about scary moments when a member of the opposite sex tried to strike up a conversation; I have become to believe one thing. Interpersonal communication is dying among Millennials.

What is Interpersonal Communication?

 Interpersonal communication is the process by which people exchange information, feelings, and meaning through verbal and non-verbal messages: it is face-to-face communication.

 

Obviously I don’t mean that everyone under that category cannot speak to one another, but as we all become so engrossed with our precious technologies, we seem to have forgotten how to talk to our fellow man. When was the last time you talked to someone you didn’t know who was within 10 feet of you? Furthermore, if someone approached you offering casual conversation, would you accept and engage? I’m not talking about the cat calling weirdness that sometimes happens, but if a person poses a legitimate topic, would you write them off?

I ask this because all too often, I’m seeing/hearing people complain about harassment when the question was harmless. Since we seldom interact with each other in a spontaneous fashion, it seems as though our ability to do so has diminished severely. What I mean by this is that, communication/interaction is like a muscle, if you don’t exercise it from time to time, it will become underdeveloped and essentially useless. I grew up in a small  town in Southern California, where if you were in a long line, it would be completely normal to strike up a conversation with the person standing next to you. Nowadays doing that same action results in the recipient either thinking you’re weird or are trying to hit on them. Even more so, that one encounter becomes the cornerstone argument that harassment is a real and rampant thing that is oppressing the female gender. One Youtuber even went as far as saying that a woman’s #1 fear is rape. Uh, my biggest fear is snakes…so… yeah. I’m not saying harassment does not exist, it does. Has it happened to me? You bet. However, I do not live my life in fear because of a few instances. What’s even more frustrating is that hashtag movements have become a soap box for individuals to talk about the one time they got hit on at the bar by someone who was either incredibly nervous or could have been a jackass.

Let’s be honest, going up to a stranger and starting a conversation is hard, for everyone. It requires one to muster up the courage to speak with you in the first place, which seems like a miracle since we’re so distant from each other anyway. We’re already so closed off from the idea of talking to others without it coming from a cellphone, it’s not even funny. So my next question is, if talking to someone in a line, at a bookstore, or in a bar is so taboo or considered harassment, how are we supposed to connect with one another? Personally, even as an introvert, if anyone offers something interesting to say, I gladly welcome the interaction. Why? Because I appreciate the effort of a person wanting to interact and be human for a minute. What’s not human is being glued to a device as your only means of connecting with the outside world. Also, I find it entertaining as some of the very same people who are for this “movement” are the very same folks who complain about having trouble making friends or meeting potential partners. Well those types of interactions require you to speak to one another. It’s not rocket science.

To be clear, I am not downplaying anyone’s plights or dealings with harassment of any kind. I believe that everyone has the right to feel comfortable and safe. My problem is with the growing few who interpret a book recommendation as a scary experience thus deeming someone creepy. Guess what, not everyone is trying to sleep with you. Sometimes it’s nice to speak to someone new using your voice and not your thumbs. Let’s turn off our phones and get to know each other in the old fashioned way. So, with that being said, I’m off to go to a new coffee shop and speak to a stranger. I encourage you to do the same. 🙂

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I Could Use Some Friends in This Town

Making new friends post-college has been a challenge of mine. Considering that almost all of my friendships since the beginning of my existence have happened in a school setting, I suppose it should not come as a surprise that I’m striking out. If you think about it, forming friendships for most people majorly start in school, be it daycare or kindergarten. Perhaps you bonded with your friend because of the mutual disdain of being in an educational institution. Or, you liked the fact the you both were wearing the same velcro high top sneakers. Whatever the case may be, you and your buds most likely met in some type of school setting.

When you’re in school in this instance, college, you’re automatically grouped with peers who have similar interests as you, like say your major. You can easily bond over your love of caffeine, a mutual hatred of a professor, or the longing of being done with it all. Whatever it is, you’ve coined a friendship out of it. Now that I’m outside that little cozy bubble  I’ve come to realize that making friendships in your 20s is almost like dating. Seriously, it’s pretty laughable how similar the two actually are. Let’s just say you meet someone in a coffee shop.

You see someone in a public setting where you exchange shy/awkward smiles. Maybe you’ve ordered the same drink or she took yours by mistake. You make small talk, and then find some type of common ground. You then work up the courage to see if they like XYZ because you know of an event taking place. They’re interested so you both exchange numbers and send the obligatory “Hey! It’s TJ from the coffee shop. It was so great to meet you!” Then you get the text back saying almost the same thing and you’re super excited. A few days go by and then you wonder, should you text them? You don’t want to seem overeager or desperate, but you really think you’d hit it off with this person and that a great friendship could occur. So you text them. Before you send it, you read it over a time or two just to make sure you don’t seem crazy.You deem it acceptable and eagerly await their response. At this point it could go 1 of 2 ways. They either A; text you back, make plans and the rest is history! Or B; they blow you off and you’re left nursing your pride telling yourself it was their loss anyway.

See the similarities there? Now, it’s easier to do the whole friendship thing if you ended up going back home after college. All your buddies (well some I guess) are there and you can pick up where you left off. However if you’ve gone to a different city like I did, it’s a little tougher. You have to start from scratch. Your academia bubble is no longer there for you to give you insta-friends and you have to put forth some effort. Or, maybe I just suck at making friends, who knows these days. 😉

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