The story so far

Hi all!

It’s been a minute, I know. That said, much has happened over that last few months– a whole lot of good, some meh, but I wouldn’t change a thing!

I woke up

I’ll be honest, when I first moved back to California, the transition was TOUGH. It was the first time in years that I couldn’t hide behind family/work/friend obligations to excuse my lack of “living” so to speak. I was in a brand new city, which meant I had a lot of time to myself to think. Finally, I realized that I didn’t recognize the person I saw in the mirror and slowly started to change.

I learned how to use my brain

I’ve been considered gifted since I was a child, but I never fully understood what that meant or that it affects how I live. I just thought I was a weirdo because my ideas were so drastically different than those around me. When I was a kid, I was just so terrified of thinking differently than my peers, that I spent a crap-ton of time analyzing people; how they thought, how they talked, their emotional responses, and what they were interested in/etc, just to fit in. If I could describe it, I felt (and still feel) like a robot trying to understand human emotions. Once I realized that the “feelings” I felt were projections of those around me, it changed the game completely! For instance, I love thinking in concepts and how it impacts the world around me.

I prefer to think logically

This is a weird balance for me as I’m both logical and emotional. It’s a balance that I’m working on but I tend to stick with my logic when dealing with myself and I’ll be more emotional with others. For example, I honestly don’t care what I wear, as I find that it’s a waste of brain power (at least for me). I recognize that it’s an art form or way of life for others, and completely respect that. But for me, a t-shirt and jeans are just fine. In fact, if the world wouldn’t lock me up, I’d wear the same thing everyday. Really, I’d prefer to run around in my boy shorts, but indecent exposure and all of that jazz, lol. My thought process is that of efficiency. If it doesn’t stimulate my mind in some way, I don’t value it. Which brings me to my next point, which has also gotten me into a lot of trouble as of late.

Feelings are feelings, not dogma

Somewhere down the child-rearing line, we’ve been taught that feelings are so deep and precious, almost to a fault. One of the biggest things I’ve come to realize for myself, is that though I’m a sensitive being (somewhere on the highly sensitive person spectrum), I don’t put much stock in them as they’re unreliable and irrational. Those who are close to me have said I’ve become cold, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! I feel and empathize greatly. That said, I acknowledge those feelings and allow them to pass. When I held onto every feeling I had, it was maddening! So, just to be clear, I’m not saying feelings are a bad thing. On the contrary, they’re wonderful, but you need to keep them in perspective.

I quit being lazy

One of the first things I discovered was that, I wasn’t depressed, I was lazy. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. It’s true, we have emotions, that said, we can control how we react to said emotions. Instead of sitting around trying to numb myself, I began to volunteer, help others, and work on creative projects. Also, being outside and surrounded by nature is just such a great feeling for me! I’m more inclined to go for a walk or hike than anything else at this point. Interestingly enough, I found that I had an abundance of energy and emotional satisfaction that I had to give up caffeine!

I love tea and I’m hyperactive!!!!

My final experiment (which caused me to drop 60 pounds in 2 months), was giving up caffeine/surgery energy drinks. The detox period was terrible, but what I discovered is that I’m naturally hyper (apparently being gifted and ADHD goes hand in hand). I wake up around 4:30 every morning, walk 5-8 miles with Abbey and then I start my day. I can’t tell you how TREMENDOUS this has been for my mind. In my head, I have about 18 TV screens that focus on different aspects of my life. I blame my parents as they’re both gifted in their own right (Dad: musical genius, Mom: literary genius). It’s no wonder my mind is INSANE! Growing up, my house was constantly filled with music (all my siblings and I play multiple instruments), books, and intellectual/critical thinking conversations, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised on how I think.

Sometimes the world is wrong

I think for me, and those who are like me, living according to what the world expects is just not possible. I can’t work in a 9-5 setting because I complete office tasks within a quarter of the timeframe, and sitting around doing nothing is like Hell on Earth for me. Further, I think more in a compartmentalized manner, which is usually a trait ascribed to men. I don’t participate in a lot of “girly things” and would much rather be involved in my thoughts and projects rather than anything else.  This is frustrating as it leads to me being misunderstood (i.e. cold or obtuse). But meh, I’m working on it. As I venture out into the world with a better sense of who I am and how I operate, life is so much more fun!

What’s next?

I’ll still try and blog from time to time, but I find that I don’t like talking about myself all that much. I will, however, be blogging about freelancing and how to navigate that world a lot more on another site I have. I’m currently reworking it, so be on the lookout for an update come Monday!

 

Waves of Change

I hate change– in all forms. Think about it, pennies and nickels are a nuisance. If I counted all of the change that is hiding around my room, I’d probably make a dent in my student loans. On that note, I must sign off to scour my apartment for loose change. Just kidding… 😉 Continue reading “Waves of Change”

This one’s for my homies

To all my fellow humans who are going through tough times, feeling down and out, and just plain feeling defeated, this one is for you. Since I missed my Motivation Monday: Quote of the Day, I will leave you with my favorite inspirational song. If you remember the 90s, you’ll get a kick out of it! So here’s to you, the disenfranchised, here’s to looking up! “We’ll be singing, when we’re winning”. 🙂

5 AMAZING ways to be a Rockstar While Working From Home

Freelancing is not for the faint of heart. It can be great, it’s not always sunshine and daisies. While you technically are your own boss and there is a lot of freedom in the role, it takes a lot of dedication, discipline, and patience. But who wants to be successful? Ain’t nobody got time for that. So to help my fellow writers out, here’s a list of 5 ways you too can kill it working from home.

1. Don’t Go Outside

Seriously, DON”T. GO. OUTSIDE. EVER. Who needs vitamin D anyway. Going outside is for chumps. Be a hero and stay inside, in the dark, under the covers, while slaving away on your laptop. You don’t need to feel the sun on your face to feel alive. The backlight glimmer of your laptop brings the hope of anxiety and potential emotional breakdown. You can’t get that kind of joy from the outside world.

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2. Don’t Exercise

Who needs all the benefits of endorphins? Instead, sit your ass on your couch and enjoy the Duck Dynasty marathon. You don’t have to be about that exercise life. Even better, order take out, all the time. Let those fitness freaks do all the running. You’re doing a different kind of marathon… a Netflix marathon, that is.

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3. Don’t Budget Your Money

Budgeting is for wimps. You have a rockstar life to maintain. Who cares if your workload isn’t the steadiest? You have to show your friends that you’re a baller without a boss. So live it up. You can always block the calls from debt collectors

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4. Don’t Talk to Anyone

You’re an artist. Remember, people are the enemy. The perks of working from home means that you don’t have to interact with anyone. That line “no man is an island” is a load of crap. Creating literary genius requires isolation from the outside world. I mean it worked for Hemingway, right?

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5. Don’t Have a Routine

This one is incredibly important. If you truly want to be at the top of your game, you must not have a plan, like, ever. Just slap a bunch of crap on the wall and see what sticks. Work in circles aimlessly. Don’t ask for help either, that’s the lame way out. You’re on this road along… forever… for all eternity. Help is for the weak, you must endure.

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Follow these 5 steps and you too can have a rewarding, amazing, anxiety filled depressing career… errrr what???

Ok, ok… so I may be pulling your leg a little. Going down the road less traveled requires more work than one might think.While working for yourself has its rewarding moments, if you do not keep a healthy balance of work and life, it can go south very quickly. In fact, if you don’t pace yourself, you could go bonkers (trust me, it’s happened to yours truly). Get a support system and remember to have a life outside of your work. Freelance responsibly, my friends!

I’m Fine

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Hello world!

 

After a long unintended hiatus (again), I’m returning to write this post. If you’re wondering why my blog has been pretty much dead for awhile the answer is simply, I’ve been unhappy. Rather than write about how life has been kicking me in the metaphorical balls lately, I figured radio silence was the most appropriate course of action. As they say, if you can’t say something nice, and all that jazz. I’m still working through some stuff but I wanted to get some stuff of my chest, so here goes.

 

First and foremost, I want to junk-punch the moron who decided it was  socially appropriate to pretend that everything in life is fine when it totally isn’t. I mean really??! It sucks!

Imagine you are having a shitty day and one of your friends comes up to you in great spirits. What are you going to say when she asks about how you’re doing? “I’m fine” You could be going through some painful experience and rather than say you’re having a tough time, you lie. 

Why is it that we are so ashamed of being upset/unhappy, that we’d rather lie our asses off and pretend that life is all sunshine and daisies? Mental health is such a stigma in the U.S. it’s ridiculous. Hell, you could admit to being an adulterer and you’d be better received than if you were to admit that you are depressed. It’s funny really.

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Welp, let’s challenge the status quo. It starts with acceptance. It’s totally ok to have a bad day, week, month. Don’t be ashamed, understand that in life, there are hills and valleys and it’s not always going to be perfect.

  • Be understanding, if you know someone who seems to be out of sorts.
  • Be supportive, give them their space, but if they need an ear, be there for them.
  • Be respectful, when they do come to you, keep an open-mind and don’t treat them like they are a freak of nature.

Everyone gets down in the dumps from time to time. We’d all get along better if we actually were honest about our feelings. Right now, I’m not 100% fine and that’s ok. But soon I will be! 🙂