The story so far

Hi all!

It’s been a minute, I know. That said, much has happened over that last few months– a whole lot of good, some meh, but I wouldn’t change a thing!

I woke up

I’ll be honest, when I first moved back to California, the transition was TOUGH. It was the first time in years that I couldn’t hide behind family/work/friend obligations to excuse my lack of “living” so to speak. I was in a brand new city, which meant I had a lot of time to myself to think. Finally, I realized that I didn’t recognize the person I saw in the mirror and slowly started to change.

I learned how to use my brain

I’ve been considered gifted since I was a child, but I never fully understood what that meant or that it affects how I live. I just thought I was a weirdo because my ideas were so drastically different than those around me. When I was a kid, I was just so terrified of thinking differently than my peers, that I spent a crap-ton of time analyzing people; how they thought, how they talked, their emotional responses, and what they were interested in/etc, just to fit in. If I could describe it, I felt (and still feel) like a robot trying to understand human emotions. Once I realized that the “feelings” I felt were projections of those around me, it changed the game completely! For instance, I love thinking in concepts and how it impacts the world around me.

I prefer to think logically

This is a weird balance for me as I’m both logical and emotional. It’s a balance that I’m working on but I tend to stick with my logic when dealing with myself and I’ll be more emotional with others. For example, I honestly don’t care what I wear, as I find that it’s a waste of brain power (at least for me). I recognize that it’s an art form or way of life for others, and completely respect that. But for me, a t-shirt and jeans are just fine. In fact, if the world wouldn’t lock me up, I’d wear the same thing everyday. Really, I’d prefer to run around in my boy shorts, but indecent exposure and all of that jazz, lol. My thought process is that of efficiency. If it doesn’t stimulate my mind in some way, I don’t value it. Which brings me to my next point, which has also gotten me into a lot of trouble as of late.

Feelings are feelings, not dogma

Somewhere down the child-rearing line, we’ve been taught that feelings are so deep and precious, almost to a fault. One of the biggest things I’ve come to realize for myself, is that though I’m a sensitive being (somewhere on the highly sensitive person spectrum), I don’t put much stock in them as they’re unreliable and irrational. Those who are close to me have said I’ve become cold, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! I feel and empathize greatly. That said, I acknowledge those feelings and allow them to pass. When I held onto every feeling I had, it was maddening! So, just to be clear, I’m not saying feelings are a bad thing. On the contrary, they’re wonderful, but you need to keep them in perspective.

I quit being lazy

One of the first things I discovered was that, I wasn’t depressed, I was lazy. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. It’s true, we have emotions, that said, we can control how we react to said emotions. Instead of sitting around trying to numb myself, I began to volunteer, help others, and work on creative projects. Also, being outside and surrounded by nature is just such a great feeling for me! I’m more inclined to go for a walk or hike than anything else at this point. Interestingly enough, I found that I had an abundance of energy and emotional satisfaction that I had to give up caffeine!

I love tea and I’m hyperactive!!!!

My final experiment (which caused me to drop 60 pounds in 2 months), was giving up caffeine/surgery energy drinks. The detox period was terrible, but what I discovered is that I’m naturally hyper (apparently being gifted and ADHD goes hand in hand). I wake up around 4:30 every morning, walk 5-8 miles with Abbey and then I start my day. I can’t tell you how TREMENDOUS this has been for my mind. In my head, I have about 18 TV screens that focus on different aspects of my life. I blame my parents as they’re both gifted in their own right (Dad: musical genius, Mom: literary genius). It’s no wonder my mind is INSANE! Growing up, my house was constantly filled with music (all my siblings and I play multiple instruments), books, and intellectual/critical thinking conversations, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised on how I think.

Sometimes the world is wrong

I think for me, and those who are like me, living according to what the world expects is just not possible. I can’t work in a 9-5 setting because I complete office tasks within a quarter of the timeframe, and sitting around doing nothing is like Hell on Earth for me. Further, I think more in a compartmentalized manner, which is usually a trait ascribed to men. I don’t participate in a lot of “girly things” and would much rather be involved in my thoughts and projects rather than anything else.  This is frustrating as it leads to me being misunderstood (i.e. cold or obtuse). But meh, I’m working on it. As I venture out into the world with a better sense of who I am and how I operate, life is so much more fun!

What’s next?

I’ll still try and blog from time to time, but I find that I don’t like talking about myself all that much. I will, however, be blogging about freelancing and how to navigate that world a lot more on another site I have. I’m currently reworking it, so be on the lookout for an update come Monday!

 

Back from the…

ok, I get it- I suck at blogging regularly.

Hello friends! I have been busy… with life! While I can’t pour my heart and soul into this post, I’ll give you a few quick bullet points on the life of Taryn as of late. Continue reading “Back from the…”

I’m not a teenager anymore

Earlier today, I stumbled across an album that meant a great deal to me circa 2005. Upon playing it, I transcended time and was shot back to the days where I was around 15/16. Continue reading “I’m not a teenager anymore”

Babies, Brunch, and an Art Walk

I’m enjoying my last day here in Santa Barbara. It has been an incredibly relaxing and restorative adventure; plus hanging out with my best friend is awesome in of in itself. Now that she’s a mom (with another on the way), it’s safe to say the dynamic of our activities has changed drastically.  Continue reading “Babies, Brunch, and an Art Walk”

My Dad the Introvert

In honor of Father’s Day, I’m going to share a funny tale of the man I call my father. My dad is a musician and music teacher by trade. To put it mildly, he’s a really talented dude. During my formative years, there wasn’t a soul who didn’t know my dad within the next 4 cities. Seriously, we couldn’t go to the grocery store or movies without running into some my dad knew. As a kid, it was totally annoying because it usually turned into a talking session lasting 30 minutes or so (maybe 5 minutes, but to an 8 year old, that’s infinity).

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-My family circa Christmas 2005

Fast forward 15 years, sometime in 2012, I was obsessed with the Myers-Briggs test, and basically held a gun to my parents’ heads in order for them to take the test too. My mom’s results were pretty spot on, but my dad, that was a whole other story. Simply put, my dad loves people, he could strike up a conversation with virtually anyone. So why his results marked him as an introvert is beyond me. I remember my mom and me laughing at the results because it was the complete opposite of his personality. One of the best qualities of my father is the fact that he is such an externally open person, incredibly giving of his time, and just an overall nice human being.

Yesterday, my mom texted me that they were trying to get the internet setup in their house and my dad and the service tech were going on and on about music, while my mother was anxiously waiting for WiFi. Even funnier, after his conversation with the service tech, he made friends with the new gardener. I had to laugh as I remembered the personality test, thinking “yeah, my dad the introvert, he’s so emotionally drained from communicating with others”.

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-The old man sleeping on our way to SF

While I’m here in Santa Barbara and my Dad is at home in Monterey, I’m taking this morning to reflect of the awesome person who I have the privilege and honor of calling my father. Don’t worry, I’ll be seeing him in a week and a half, so I’m sure we’ll have some fun shenanigans, as we always do. So Dad, here’s to you on your day. Thank you for your unconditional love, guidance and support during these last 25 years. I love you!!! Also to all the other dads out there, happy Father’s Day and have a great one!

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-Pops and I 16 years ago

I’m Right, You’re Wrong… Always

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So I just found out that I don’t sh*t rainbows. This is news to me.

As a “hyper-rational” (a.k.a an arrogant s.o.b.) I’ve always fashioned myself as a great communicator and logical conflict-resolution”er”. Seriously on a scale of 1-mature, I’m off the meter (right mom?). Welp even I have fallen from grace.

I suppose I should admit that “when the going gets tough, Taryn gets gone… quick.” Like Speedy Gonzalez, I run from conflicts and disagreements faster than one can say “onomatopoeia”. I always thought that since I had the least arguments, that meant I was better at having them.

Up until I was 22, when I was having a disagreement with someone, I’d hide under the curt-tails of my parents. Looking back, I have to admit that it was childish, but hey, I didn’t develop the necessary coping skills until recently.

Bottom line: It’s hard to communicate and navigate the interpersonal relationships of your life– especially for the newer ones. For instance, I could have an argument with my best friend, and because we’ve known each other for so long, things get resolved fairly quickly. However if it’s with a newer person, the foundation isn’t there and I’m quick to jump ship.

I recognize that it’s immature– which is why I’m taking aim to fix it, but dang is it hard work! While today was a tough mental day for me in terms of communication and arguing in a productive manner, I have made progress and I am proud! So here I am, getting off of my high-horse. I’m not used to the view down here, but I have a feeling  I’ll get used to it. 🙂

Are We Waiting to Grow Up?

I’ve been doing some research on an oh so secret project (I’ll explain myself later, promise) and I have been seeing quite a bit of literature out there “explaining” why Millennials “aren’t growing up” or “things Millennials are refusing to do” and I can’t help but feel insulted. The general consensus of older generations is that we’re: lazy, immature, financially irresponsible children who are shirking the necessary responsibilities of life. I could not disagree more. While no generation in its entirety is perfect, I do believe that Gen. Y has a few things stacked against them.

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It’s true that Gen. Y is holding off on major purchases, but with the average student loan debt at the end of 2013 being $29,400, can you blame us? These numbers were not even on the radar of 30 years ago. Most students today are facing 20 years of repaying student debt whereas our Gen. X counterparts only had a fraction of that debt. Of course, one can argue that we “dug ourselves into this hole”, but I can guarantee you it wasn’t a Millennial who sold the “student loans are a good debt to have because a degree is a solid investment” line. We also have to deal with the reality that workforce is stacked against us.

The days of staying with one job for 30 years are dead and gone.  According to Forbes the average worker stays at each of his/her jobs for 4.4 years. If you ask other generations it’s because we don’t want to stick it out, or we want to be the CEO within the first year. The truth is that most millennials are looking for jobs that can help them manage the unbearably high student loans they have to pay back. The average salary for recent 2013 graduates is $45,327. However, when you put that in context with the $29,400 student loan average and cost of living, it’s not an easy feat. So where are the decent paying jobs? They are still with the same people who applied to them decades before.

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Since the average retirement age jumping up from 57 in 1992 to 62 in 2013, Baby Boomers have not been making enough room for younger generations to fill in. This forces, Gen Y to work any job that comes their way to make ends meet. There are as many as 40% of recent graduates are employed in jobs that do not require degrees. Gen X does not understand this hardship because they have the experience and degrees to go after higher paying jobs.

These are just a few things that millennials are dealing with. I’m not even going to touch the dating scene as that could take some time getting into. With that being said, I fully accept the job market and my student loans. No one held a gun to my head as I signed my master promissory note and I am paying them back. Due to the fact that I (and most millennials too) am being responsible for my debt, certain life goals tend to take a backseat. What grinds my gears about these articles and beliefs held by older generations is that their expectations for us are quite ridiculous.

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The biggest argument against millennials is that we are immature and irresponsible because we aren’t settling down and getting married. So you’re telling me, that on top of trying to establish a decent career and paying back student loans, I’m supposed to be getting married and popping out babies simultaneously? In my opinion that would be the irresponsible thing to do. Why would I join in union with another person facing the same realities as myself while trying to make a family with a bunch of debt and a shaky job market hanging over our heads? Then to add insult to injury put a baby in the mix. Sounds like a great way for a marriage to fail. Yeah, no thanks.

In my opinion millennials that are not trying to rush into more responsibilities are more intelligent than you realize. It’s not that getting to the altar and starting a family are not goals of millennials, it’s just that there are a few things we need to take care of first. So before you go rushing to judgement about how we don’t want to grow up or are killing the real estate market take an honest hard look at what our reality looks like. It’s not 1980 anymore and we’re rolling with the punches as best we can. Don’t worry though, we’ll “grow up” eventually, Millennials do you agree? What are some of the things you have to figure out before you “grow up”?

Life is For the Living

I often find myself struggling with the fear of “Am I crazy for leaving my job to go into the unknown land of freelancing” all the time. From a rational standpoint, I have abandoned all the security a 9-5 brings with no immediate backup in sight. On the other hand, the world is my oyster and I’m free to do with it as I please. Getting trapped in a finite way of thinking is something we’re all taught. You go to school, graduate, find a steady job, have a family, grow old and die. We tend to look at life in a “step by step” manner, a blueprint if you will. I threw out my “blueprint” a few months ago and I haven’t been the same ever since.

After going rogue, I’ve failed, faced rejection, and even questioned my path from time to time. Yes, I’ve fallen flat on my face, but as it turns out, I’m still here. I didn’t crumble and die from these experiences. I used to be so afraid to do something wrong or to be shot down that I would not attempt the unthinkable. For some reason, I treated life as a Mario game where you only have 1 life left and if you messed up, game over, you have to start all over again, so you play extra cautiously so that you won’t die. Well, I’m throwing that out the window too.My goal is to turn my dreams into a reality. Pursue the things I want most out of life. I’m just choosing the road less traveled to get there.

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Finding My Groove

So I recently talked about meeting my neighbor who’s encouraged me to put things out into the universe. Since then, I’ve managed to get picked up writing for a really cool site, more on that later. I’ve also gotten better at writing my work in a more timely and fluid manner. I’m still working on getting out of my head. It’s a killer; who would’ve thought my own worst enemy is the very thing that makes me, me? Anywho, it’s a constant struggle for me to get out of my thoughts and stay the course. I may lose a few battles from time to time, but dammit, I’m going to win this war.

On another note, I’ve decided to really give photography a go. I love observing people/things and I’ve found that I have an eye for it. My biggest reason for not ever talking about it, is fear of seeming pretentious. Then, when I really think about it, why is it pretentious to start a hobby? Again, my super positive thoughts are at work. Right now, my “homework” is to think less and do more. I’m learning that clearing hurdles is pretty much the easy part, being consistent, now that’s the kicker. So as I journey to finding my niche in this world, I hope you all are breaking out of your comfort zone and doing the things you love most. Happy Monday!

 

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Stepping Outside of My Box

How do you define yourself? Are certain adjectives coming to mind? Do you live your life around these perceptions? I did. Until recently, I believed I had a very rigid personality. In short I believed myself to be awkward, intelligent, predictable, and reliable to a fault. I thought that was what I was always going to be. One thing I’m learning during my “Bum Chronicles” is that almost everything in life is fluid, not obstinate. 

I like/d stability, so much so that I never wanted anything to change, least of all me. There is much “comfort” in what you know. But what I’m coming to understand is growth is not only wonderful but it is vital. Without change, I could potentially be limiting myself to the 4 above mentioned dimensions of my character. I am those things, but I am not always those things. My defining characteristics are not stagnant, they are ever-changing. Realizing that I don’t have to “color in the lines” anymore, a ton of possibilities popped into my mind.

Once I got out of the Matrix (see what I did there 😉 ) I became aware of  a whole world uncharted waiting for me to dive in and leave my mark. I’ve said it many many times, I believed that life was supposed to have a blueprint and you did ABC and XYZ on said blueprint and bam, that’s life. What a limited view of my world! Now, I’m challenging my status-quo and shaking things up a bit. I’m living in the land of uncomfortable and I haven’t had the slightest regret. If I sound like an existential hippie, so be it. I also have a funny story about my newfound gusto that I will share with you tomorrow, so stay tuned! 🙂

 

“I want to grow. I want to be better. You Grow. We all grow. We’re made to grow.You either evolve or you disappear.”  ― Tupac Shakur (Yes, I quoted Tupac)

 

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