I often find myself struggling with the fear of “Am I crazy for leaving my job to go into the unknown land of freelancing” all the time. From a rational standpoint, I have abandoned all the security a 9-5 brings with no immediate backup in sight. On the other hand, the world is my oyster and I’m free to do with it as I please. Getting trapped in a finite way of thinking is something we’re all taught. You go to school, graduate, find a steady job, have a family, grow old and die. We tend to look at life in a “step by step” manner, a blueprint if you will. I threw out my “blueprint” a few months ago and I haven’t been the same ever since.
After going rogue, I’ve failed, faced rejection, and even questioned my path from time to time. Yes, I’ve fallen flat on my face, but as it turns out, I’m still here. I didn’t crumble and die from these experiences. I used to be so afraid to do something wrong or to be shot down that I would not attempt the unthinkable. For some reason, I treated life as a Mario game where you only have 1 life left and if you messed up, game over, you have to start all over again, so you play extra cautiously so that you won’t die. Well, I’m throwing that out the window too.My goal is to turn my dreams into a reality. Pursue the things I want most out of life. I’m just choosing the road less traveled to get there.
So I recently talked about meeting my neighbor who’s encouraged me to put things out into the universe. Since then, I’ve managed to get picked up writing for a really cool site, more on that later. I’ve also gotten better at writing my work in a more timely and fluid manner. I’m still working on getting out of my head. It’s a killer; who would’ve thought my own worst enemy is the very thing that makes me, me? Anywho, it’s a constant struggle for me to get out of my thoughts and stay the course. I may lose a few battles from time to time, but dammit, I’m going to win this war.
On another note, I’ve decided to really give photography a go. I love observing people/things and I’ve found that I have an eye for it. My biggest reason for not ever talking about it, is fear of seeming pretentious. Then, when I really think about it, why is it pretentious to start a hobby? Again, my super positive thoughts are at work. Right now, my “homework” is to think less and do more. I’m learning that clearing hurdles is pretty much the easy part, being consistent, now that’s the kicker. So as I journey to finding my niche in this world, I hope you all are breaking out of your comfort zone and doing the things you love most. Happy Monday!
How do you define yourself? Are certain adjectives coming to mind? Do you live your life around these perceptions? I did. Until recently, I believed I had a very rigid personality. In short I believed myself to be awkward, intelligent, predictable, and reliable to a fault. I thought that was what I was always going to be. One thing I’m learning during my “Bum Chronicles” is that almost everything in life is fluid, not obstinate.
I like/d stability, so much so that I never wanted anything to change, least of all me. There is much “comfort” in what you know. But what I’m coming to understand is growth is not only wonderful but it is vital. Without change, I could potentially be limiting myself to the 4 above mentioned dimensions of my character. I am those things, but I am not always those things. My defining characteristics are not stagnant, they are ever-changing. Realizing that I don’t have to “color in the lines” anymore, a ton of possibilities popped into my mind.
Once I got out of the Matrix (see what I did there 😉 ) I became aware of a whole world uncharted waiting for me to dive in and leave my mark. I’ve said it many many times, I believed that life was supposed to have a blueprint and you did ABC and XYZ on said blueprint and bam, that’s life. What a limited view of my world! Now, I’m challenging my status-quo and shaking things up a bit. I’m living in the land of uncomfortable and I haven’t had the slightest regret. If I sound like an existential hippie, so be it. I also have a funny story about my newfound gusto that I will share with you tomorrow, so stay tuned! 🙂
“I want to grow. I want to be better. You Grow. We all grow. We’re made to grow.You either evolve or you disappear.” ― Tupac Shakur (Yes, I quoted Tupac)
It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing. The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!
Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”. I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!
So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.
Recently I’ve found myself looking for the next best thing. For instance, I’m not the hugest fan of my current location and I think life would be soooo much better if I was on the coast again. Then, I stopped to really think about it, and I’ve always been more interested in where I’m going, not where I am; and that’s no way to live. I’m deciding to be happy and content now, not when I get to my next destination. Tomorrow is always going to be a day away so I’m going to start living for today 🙂