How to Have a Successful Introvert/Extrovert Friendship: From an Introvert’s Perspective

For those who know me in the “real world”, you know that I am a total chatty Kathy. I love talking to people, especially on topics I’m interested in. Strike up a conversation on something I love, I light up like the stars in a night’s sky and will gesture with enthusiasm. While this is very true and I love being in the presence of others, I need time to recharge my social batteries. Yup, I’m an introvert. I tried to deny this for some time because stereotypically, we associate introversion with some atypical shy person who cannot carry on a conversation to save their lives.  That may be true in some cases, but I assure you it does not fit everyone. Chances are, your introverted friends are the ones who are great listeners and dispense some pretty solid advice. You go to them for emotional support. Since introverts operate in an internal manner, these functions can be pretty draining.

I have all types of friends who all have different personalities (it makes for great stories). Interestingly enough, I have a tendency to be drawn towards people who are extroverted. I’ve been fortunate enough to have become close with people who pretty much get my M.O. so it’s been great. Sometimes there is a disconnect between friends when one wants to communicate more frequently than the other. Problem is, if you don’t give me time to gear up for the next adventure, I get a little overwhelmed and become unresponsive. It’s not because I’m trying to be rude, it’s simply the fact that I need time to chill. So in light of recent events, I’m listing a few points on how to keep a meaningful introvert/extrovert friendship going.

1Be Welcoming 

The myth is that introverts will not talk to strangers. That is absolutely untrue. Just today I was at the grocery store buying syrup and a lady mentioned how it doubled in price since last week. Since she was pleasant and friendly, I had no problem chatting with her about different grocery items that have surged in price recently. Conversation can be intimidating for introverts, but if you start off with a congenial attitude, you’d be surprised by the outcome.

2. Be Patient

I like to have time to think about things. Very seldom (if ever) do I go through with a plan that has not been thought out. So if you’re introverted friend seems a bit hesitant about anything, give them a chance to process and they’ll eventually come around. Unless it has anything to do with snakes, then I’m out. No exceptions.

3. Give Them Space

I love hanging out with my friends, I really do. At times if I’m out and about for extended periods of time, I have to have some off time. Usually I’ll unwind by reading a book, crocheting, or going on walks with Abbey. So it’s fair to say that I’ll check out for a little while. It’s mostly a day’s time and then I’m back in the social saddle ready to ride off again. Point is, quiet time is important for introverts to get back out into the social scene.

4. Don’t Push

Here’s where some challenges can occur. If I don’t get the space that I need, I go AWOL socially. Which means I don’t answer texts, calls, or anything in between. I get that this can be seen as rude to some, but I assure you it’s not meant maliciously. The reality is that when you invade an introvert’s space, it can be seen as overwhelming. Of course that’s not the intent but it’s how the receiver can feel. Case in point, if I get a bunch of texts while I’m trying to unwind, it’s overwhelming. I cannot  maintain that style of constant communication, even if it’s on something I’m interested in. It’s like a tidal wave of communication coming at me all at once and all I want to do is throw my phone into the trash. At that point, I won’t respond and will need a cooling off period before I can engage. Later on, when I’m feeling up to it, I’ll get around to responding. If you have a friend who gets a bit standoffish, chances are, they’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Let them take a beat and they’ll get back to you. If you keep pushing, all they’ll do is prolong responding.

5. Don’t Take it Personally

I love my zany outgoing friends. They push me to get out of my comfort zone to do things I wouldn’t do on my own. With that being said, I still need my down time. If your introverted friends don’t want to hang out, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. It just means that they are mentally relaxing and getting prepped for the next awesome hang out session. Once you understand the method to their madness and give them the opportunity to reach their social equilibrium, they’ll be back out in no time, ready for the next adventure.

So those are some quick tips for extroverts on how to get along with their introvert pals. I do have some advice for my introvert cohorts as well.

1. Be Receptive

A general misnomer is that introverts are shy. That’s not always the case. If a person is offering you a “social olive branch” try your best and meet them halfway. A little growth never killed anyone

2. Ask For Time

If you take some time to make decisions, tell your friends what’s up. Don’t feel pressured to just blurt anything out. Chances are that our extrovert counterparts don’t operate in this type of mindset and that’s ok, but make your intentions clear.

3. Ask For Space 

I straight up tell my friends when I’m going “off the grid”. Telling people that you need space is not rude, especially if it’s crucial to your wellbeing. We’re all different and may not see eye to eye on things, so communication is key. Just send an “I’m currently checking out” message to your friends and get back to them when you feel up to it.

 

4. Set Boundaries

If you have a well meaning friend who doesn’t seem to get the message, after you’re done with your hiatus, have a heart to heart with that person. Explain why you need your space and make sure that you get it. If they care for you at all, they’ll respect that. If they don’t, well that’s on them and they clearly are not respecting your need for space.

5. Let Them Know You Appreciate Your Friendship

It’s tough to hear that your friend wants some down time, so it’s important that you let them know how much you enjoy their friendship. I try as much as possible to let my friends know how much they mean to me. It helps them understand that it’s “not their fault” when you need space.

Honestly, if I try to be social when I haven’t had time to recuperate, I’m kind of an ass. It’s like a 5 year old who hasn’t had their afternoon nap; they become cranky and emotional. Once they wake up from that nap, they’re back to being the sweet kid they once were; it’s the same for introverts. So that’s my take on how to maintain a legit friendship between an introvert and extrovert. Introverts on the webs, do you agree? Also, all the extroverts out there what do you require for a friendship to be successful? I want to hear your opinions. 🙂

 Introvert-Extrovert

15 Random Facts About Me

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I figure in an effort to share more with the world, I’d give you guys a glimpse into the mind of the girl behind this blog. Here are a few facts about me 😉

1. I.Hate.Pants. If it wasn’t considered indecent exposure, I wouldn’t wear them. Boyshorts FTW!!!

2. I am left handed. Meaning, I think in my right mind.

3. I am the middle child. I’m sure that explains a lot haha.

4. I am very close with my parents. They’re pretty legit, and no, they are not sponsoring this post, promise. 😉

5. I am a closeted introvert. Honestly most people don’t know this because of my bubbly demeanor, but  l like to escape to my room with my fur-child to recuperate after most social festivities. Also, very animated people overwhelm me, lol. Don’t worry, I can be coaxed out of my cave with a caramel macchiato and good conversation. This works for any bribe, you know just in case you need an excuse to bring me coffee 🙂

6. I am a good listener and keeper of secrets. In fact, my hair is full of them.

7. I am an early bird. I love waking up before the sun does.

8. Libra is my sign. I don’t really put much stock in astrology, but the balance thing is pretty spot on.

9. Confrontation is not my thing. Seriously, I’m all about keeping the peace.

10. I come from a musical family. I play multiple instruments and teach too.

11. Classical and Jazz are my two favorite genres. If all other music died tomorrow, I’d be ok with that.

12. I love people watching.

13. I have some serious love for my home state. Cali pride til I die!

14. I love live music, mainly for the people watching and good vibes.

15. I keep a few close friends, so if you’re in my rotation, consider it an honor 😉

Welp that’s a little about me. Hopefully that gives you a better understanding of my neurotic personality. 🙂

What are some random facts about you???

Let me know in the comments!

 

True Life: I’m an early bird

I typically get up around 4:30-5 am everyday. There is something about mornings that I just love. Maybe it’s the fact that no one else is up and Abbey and I go downstairs, enjoy a cup of coffee and make pancakes while listening to classical music. Lately I’ve been obsessed with Grieg and Rachmaninov. The mornings are a quiet, peaceful time for me to collect my thoughts and get my head on straight for the day. I was never a morning person really until I started the “corporate life”. Since I was in constant communication with everyone under the sun from 7 am to the late hours of the night, mornings were the only time that I could just be me. In the mornings, I was only a person enjoying the sunrise and not a corporate lackey. Mornings were my time; in fact they still are.

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-Walking around my neighborhood..

Since I am a bum, it gives me a lot of time to go outside and walk around. My morning routine consists of me and Abbey walking to the dog park to play fetch for an hour. It’s about 1.5 miles from my house, so it’s good cardio for the two of us. Going to the dog park forces both of us to come out of our shell and speak to other beings (I’ve recently come to terms that I am an introvert and am slowly accepting it. More on that later.). And dare I say it’s been quite pleasant!

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-A bit overcast at the dog park

Anyway I absolutely love my morning time with my fur-child! Being able to go out and venture around is incredibly calming. I’ve actually started walking around everywhere solely for the fact that weather like this does not stick around in Vegas unfortunately. Soon this city will live up to the nickname I gave it: Satan’s butt-crack. Seriously, it got up to 120 degrees last summer, so I’m not looking forward to it. But currently I’m enjoying the present and the glorious California-like weather we’re having. I think the bum life suits me 🙂

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-My tired pup relaxing after our excursion.