I’m Free to Do What I Want…

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Ok so here’s the news I’ve been wanting to share with you all!!!

I decided to quit my corporate big kid job!!

And you know what… it feels AMAZING!!!!!!!

Now granted, I’m super fortunate for the experience and the opportunities it afforded me. Not a whole lot of 22 year old kidults graduate college and land a full time gig let alone one that pays very well with a lot of perks.You’re probably wondering why the hell I would quit a job that gave me financial security/stability for the unknown

It’s quite simple… I was MISERABLE

One thing I’ve learned is that for some companies salary= slavery, I’m not kidding

When I tried having a day off I was still beholden to emails, conference calls, texts, etc. I never really had a day to myself to just unwind and be a human being. Instead, the expectation was that I was to be available all the time, anytime. And trust me when I say, it made functioning not easy You see, because I never felt like I was able to wind down, I was just frazzled, absentminded and flustered. Remembering things from 5 minutes ago let alone 5 days ago became a chore. On top of that I got lost in translation. My personality went from bubbly optimistic dreamer to boring negative hermit.

I noticed I began withdrawing from society. Instead of going out with friends I just literally bundle up in my blankets in my apartment and watch Duck Dynasty with my dog. Now I’m not the only who felt this way about my job. My peers in my same position shared the same sentiments. I should also mention being with the company for over a year, I was considered a veteran if that helps give you an idea about how out of sync things were.

The average “life” of a person in my position is about 3-6 months. Due to the huge time commitment (time suck)  and unrealistic expectations, most people in their right minds run for the hills. I think one of the major reasons why I stuck it out for so long was pride. I didn’t want people to think I was “running away” or I couldn’t hack the pressures of the job. Honestly, I really didn’t want to be thought of as the “kid” who couldn’t handle the adult world. In retrospect, I now know that it’s not because I’m scared, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. I mean granted if I was passionate about the career I had been in, maybe the long hours and no life would be ok, but having the world’s worst boss (I’m dead serious) on top of it made it too much.

It honestly felt like a bad relationship. Too tired and frustrated to stay, but too insecure/unsure to leave. At first thinking about leaving was scary, but now as I finished my final day, I am more than ever 100% ok with my decision. It’s like I can breathe again. The world was taken off of my shoulders and I can dare to dream again. The moment I realized I needed to make a change was when I was on vacation last week. I’d noticed that I’d missed a lot of life events of my friends and loved ones because of work. I’d also realized I’m further away from what I want to do than I was when I had first started. The whole reason why I took the position was that they offer tuition assistance. What they failed to tell me was that I sold my soul when I began my employment and I wouldn’t have time to sleep let alone get a master’s degree.

So now, after all is said and done. I really want to get back into the things that give me joy. Somewhere along the lines of corporate aspirations and world domination, I lost sight of the quirky, witty, free spirit girl I used to be. I want to find that girl again. I miss her terribly.

Being that today was my last day, it was bittersweet with a cup of good ol’ sweet validation. I was given a lot of kudos today from people that I least expected. The early on doubters of my capabilities ended wishing me well! I have to tell you it was one of the most humbling experiences.

The biggest take away for me is that money isn’t everything. Money is useful and nice to have; but money doesn’t make you laugh. You cannot recall past events or reminisce with money. Money will never ask how your day was or listen when you’re having a crappy one.

Now that I am a bum, there will be more blogging on my part. I refuse to give an estimate because we all know I lie. Also I’ll get back to discovering what makes me tick. For the better part of almost 2 years I’ve put “me” to the wayside. In the words of Mick Jagger, “I’m free to do what I want, any ol’ time”!

 

 

Congratulations! You are Normal

It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing.  The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!

Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”.  I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!

So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.

 

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I Now Pronounce You, Adult

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I often wonder, how does a person know when they’re an “adult”? Is there a feeling and you just know? Or do you go through an experience where you face trials and tribulations and you come out on the other side a full blown adult? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a ceremony that officially makes you an adult? There would be a specific time and place where you stand before God and all your peers in front of some qualified individual (possibly Morgan Freeman) who anoints you into adulthood.

Currently I find myself in limbo. It’s like that awful Britney Spears song “Not a girl not yet a woman”. Ok, terrible analogy but there is some truth behind it. From a tangible aspect, I am an adult. I pay taxes, pay bills, go to work, etc. Emotionally on the other hand is a different story. Whenever I am talking to an older adult, I always feel like a kid. Now this has nothing to do with the other person and how they are talking to me. It’s just a feeling that someone older and with more “authority” is talking to me.

Recently I had to assert my “adultness” to get a point across. There was a dispute with one of my findings at work which was being called into question. I then had to use my authority and my knowledge on the subject at hand to prove a point. Now as I was in the midst of the situation, I remember thinking to myself, “oh jeez, there’s no way they’re going to listen to some kid just out of college”. To my shock and chagrin, my point came across loud and clear and was respected. Why, because at that moment I realized that I am an adult and my peers see me that way as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t feel like the “real deal” by any means. There are still moments (quite a few) that I lean on my parents for emotional support. I know I’m spoiled to have 2 people in this world who give me the assurance that I don’t need to have all the answers at this stage in my life. They definitely bring me back to earth when I go on my “I’m not on the right path” tangents. I suppose that in then end, it is a process that everyone goes through at their own rate. It is most certainly not a “one size fits all” endeavor.