I’ve experienced some awesome growth in my writing career. The fruits of my labors are blooming and I am very ecstatic for what’s to come. While I am over the moon, I can’t help but overanalyze the future.
As someone who’s experienced loss on a deep level, it’s tough for me to allow myself to be truly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a positive person, but on a scale of personal fulfillment, I go up to 75% and then crash and burn. Like a fail-safe switch, I begin to self-destruct once I’ve reached my optimum level of mediocrity. After spending some time soul-searching, I’ve come to realize that I’ve taught myself to stop trying. After all, you can’t get hurt if you weren’t expecting happiness to be the end target right?
My point is, the mind is an incredibly scary place to get trapped in. Understanding that I have to actively deconstruct these mental barriers in my brain on a day to day basis is daunting, but worth the effort. I want to take the world by storm and really be happy and proud of my life. And, what if something bad happens? I’ll just pick myself up and get back on this horse called “Life”.
Whether I’ participating or not, life is happening. Just because I avoid it doesn’t mean I freeze in time and press play when I’m ready to get back out there. I don’t want to one day find myself old and miserable because I was too scared to make an effort. So to all of my fellow bloggers/readers, take care of your mind and do away with the negative thoughts that cause you to freeze. Life is for the living and we should cherish the time we have on this beautiful planet. That said, I hope everyone has a beautiful week!
I just found out that my childhood cat Kobe passed away recently and it really freaking sucks. That cat had been terrorizing me for well over half of my life. See, Kobe was an asshole of a cat. He was mean, self-obsessed, and had a penchant for scratching humans just for the hell of it. He also had a huge vindictive streak in him. Once when I was about 14, I removed him from a chair in the kitchen because it was the only place where I could sit without the sun hitting my eyes. Because he felt disrespected, Kobe stared me down until I looked away, because quite frankly, I was intimidated. Later that night, when I was sleeping that jerk came in and attacked the crap out of my arm. Seriously, to the point where I had to shake him off. The next day, he rubbed himself on my legs as if to say we were ok. I decided it would be best if I didn’t try and take his seat ever again. Yes, Kobe was a mean son of a bitch, but he was also the best damn cat in the world.
Though he enjoyed being a bully, he also enjoyed spending time with me and my family. Whenever we were all together, Kobe would be plopped down in the middle of whatever was going on. He was also an attention whore. If we had company or new people over, he would graciously saunter over and insert himself on the new person’s lap and demand to be petted. He really wasn’t shy, like, at all. He was also pretty good with kids (except for my niece and nephew, but in his defense, they pestered him quite a bit.). He also had a really sweet side. If anyone of us were sick or upset, there he was, laying down next to us or sitting in our laps almost like a sign of solidarity. And just as he had instinctually come over to show support, he would leave the scene upon patient recovery to kill some rodents/bunnies in the yard. He was also a master hunter ;-).
I could go on and on about that damn cat and how much he meant to me, but that could take all week. Nearly 14 years would take quite some time to go over. It’s funny because he was so ornery and tough, that I thought he would last forever. Or at the very least die fighting a bear, not by kidney failure. Despite his intense personality, I know he loved me and my family just as much as we loved him. He will be greatly missed.
Kobe sunbathing, as you can see he lived a tough life 😉