I’m not a teenager anymore

Earlier today, I stumbled across an album that meant a great deal to me circa 2005. Upon playing it, I transcended time and was shot back to the days where I was around 15/16. Continue reading “I’m not a teenager anymore”

When is Regret OK?

“No Regrets”

It’s a term we swing around so loosely, but, does one actually live their lives without any regrets?

This morning I was finally unpacking (I moved, more on that later), and I had Pandora blaring my “A Tribe Called Quest” station (90s Hip Hop or bust!). Bobbing my head while organizing my life, things were going swell. That is, until 93 til’ infinity started playing, and all hell broke loose. On a side note, if you don’t know who Souls of Mischief are, you must go to youtube and search the above mentioned song, it’s legit.

Anywho, the first time I had ever heard that song was about 3-4 years ago¬†when I was attending university in Flagstaff, AZ. I worked at the Student Tech Center on campus and had bosses who had great tastes in music. One day, Trey, my supervisor and I were going on and on about 90s hip hop and he happened to play 93 til’ infinity and I absolutely fell in love with the song. In fact, those years I really developed a stronger love for the genre which I still have to this day.

So where does the regret come to play? Well, when I first started going to NAU, I¬†HATED¬†it. It was a massive culture shock. Trapped in the mountains with a bunch of hippy dippy nature people, I was so out of my element. You see, I am somewhat of an escape artist. One of the perks of living in Southern California is that if you get bored of your scenery, you can escape to somewhere new within a 2 hour radius. In Flagstaff, that was not the case. Tack on a passive aggressive roommate who only communicated by post it notes, my “home life” resembled the Cold War/ Cuban Missile Crisis.

a-cold-war-style-faceoff

Being the persnickety person that I am, within the first few months, I already started planning my escape. I knew that I only had to be there for 2 years, I decided to keep myself at an emotional distance from others. You can’t miss anything/anyone you don’t know, right? Well after the first 6 months, things did get better. I started making friends, going out, and creating a pseudo-life, with everything still, at an arm’s length away. Hell, even my graduation was a “wham bam thank you ma’am” spectacle. I literally walked, bought chipotle, then dusted out of town with my family. My parents were pretty incredulous at my indifference and lack of emotion at this point. Seriously, I left Flagstaff a half hour after my graduation with the intention of never going back again (sidenote: I’ve been back a handful of times now).

So, what am I getting at here? Well, you know those pseudo-friends/life I was telling you about? It turns out they may have meant more to me than I initially realized. When 93 til’ infinity started playing through my speakers, I’ll be honest, I didn’t remember the title of the song or the artist. I just remembered how it made me feel.¬†3 years of buried feelings just started pouring out. I felt of blend of nostalgia, pain, regret, sadness, and a tinge of happiness shoot through me all at once, and rather intensely I might add. How could a song, that I vaguely remember bring back so much unresolved feelings? Music is strange in that way I suppose.

In spite of my first crappy few months away at school, I really did enjoy my time there. The people at the STC were my friends, dare I say my family. Spending my weekends at school trading music jams with my colleagues are some of my best memories ever. I fooled myself into thinking that I could just cut out that part of my life and soldier on, but that’s not the way life works. In short, I regret how I handled things. I regret that I didn’t invest more emotionally. I regret that I didn’t really say goodbye or feel the loss of leaving Flagstaff. I feel regret.

regret

Obviously I can’t turn back the hands of time, however, I can learn from my mistakes. I struggle at letting people into my little bubble, but I have made strides of improvement. There is a bigger feeling fulfillment when I legitimately connect with others. It’s scary with the vulnerability that I am allowing, but it’s a better feeling than listening to a song that rips you to a time of unresolved feelings.

I can’t change the past, but I can change how I react in my future. My goal is to really connect and enjoy moments when they happen as they are. When you spend your time looking for the next adventure, you could be downplaying something beautiful that is happening right in front of you.

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4 Artists That I am Obsessed With

Music is in my core being. Growing up in a musical family, I was surrounded by different instruments,¬†musicians, genres, and anything and everything in between. My house was never quiet; and looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way. As a child, I grew up learning and listening to classical and jazz music primarily (I’ll do a post on my favorite composers/jazz musicians later). They are two of my favorite genres hands down. As I grew up, my musical preferences were/are all over the map.

Music Doodle

If you shuffled the songs on my iPod, you could go from, Death Metal, Classical, Jazz, Pop, Punk in 5 clicks. Seriously, I love it all!¬†Each style of music offers its own uniqueness and complexities, you just have to be open to listening for them. Full disclosure, country isn’t something I can get on board with. While I admire the musical talent of country artists, a lot of the content is very depressing. That said, there are still some country songs that I tap my toes to. While I love almost anything under the sun, there are a few musicians that I can never grow tired of.

4. Killswitch Engage

I’ve been listening to Killswitch for about a decade now (gosh I’m old) and I’ve loved everything they have put out to date. I remember when I first heard them, I was about 13/14 years old. I was intrigued with their sound because they were blending metal with a melodic chorus which was odd but amazing at the same time. My Last Serenade is still one of my favorite songs of theirs to date while My Curse has to be my absolute favorite. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them live twice now with both Howard and Jesse as the lead singers. I don’t listen to them as often now, but they’ll always still hold a place near and dear to my heart.

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(Warped Tour 07′ and Extreme Thing 14′)

3. Disclosure

Words cannot describe my love for Disclosure. Their chord progressions are out of this world and Latch, dare I say is pure genius. That song is like sex for your ears. I’m not one to put songs on repeat, but I could listen to that song forever and ever and still find something new to love about it. Aside from that particular song, Disclosure’s music is all really good. I have all of their albums and EPs and everything is legit. I have yet to see them live, but before I leave this world, you’d better bet it’s going to happen.

(Their live set in Paris, which is awesome!)

2. Fink

I first discovered Fink back in 2008 when I heard Trouble’s What You’re In. If you couldn’t tell by now, I love emotionally evoking¬†music, and Fink does not does not disappoint. He is another artist that I’ve yet to experience live, but on my short list of live acts I need to see, he is on the top of that list. There aren’t too many artists that I continue to grow with throughout the years, but I doubt that I’ll stop enjoying Fink anytime soon. I highly recommend checking out all of his albums though I will say that I love them all equally and for different purposes.

1. Bonobo

Last but certainly not least, Simon Green A.K.A. Bonobo is on the top of this list. Aside from the fact that he is positively gorgeous, his music is as equally, if not more beautiful than he is. I have no clue how he does it, but Bonobo manages to capture the emotional equivalent of the human condition in his work. Every one of his albums is¬†vastly different, especially his older stuff, yet they all have that unifying quality that is, Bonobo. Each of his albums speaks to me in varying ways and I always find them applicable in different aspects of my life. If I’m happy? Bonobo. Feeling down? Bonobo. Dealing with anxiety, Bonobo. Just wanna groove? Bonobo. If I sound crazy, it’s all good, he’s just that legit. I actually saw him play this year in Vegas with a live band, and it was hands down the best live performance I’ve ever experienced.¬†

The audience embodied a hugely diverse group of people, yet you could feel the sense of unity among us. Peace, harmony, and acceptance filled the energy of the room. Everybody was swaying to the groove of the music. It was one of the most surreal and ethereal experiences I have had to date (no I wasn’t on drugs). If there’s anything you get from this post, it’s that you need to listen to Bonobo, preferably live. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

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(Bonobo live at the Brooklyn Bowl LV this year)

(Recurring- My favorite Bonobo song of all time)

So these are a few of my favorite things, lol! Listening to music is such a huge part of my life, as I imagine it is for most people. I hope you check out these people above as I love their stuff immensely. Also I just realized that 3/4 of these Artists are from the UK. Hm even more reasons for Abbey and I to get across the pond sooner than later, lol! Who are the groups/bands/artists that you can’t live without?

How to Procrastinate Like a Rockstar

Step 1: Think of the task that you’re supposed to be doing

Step 2: Go to the local Starbucks with the intention of doing said task

Step 3: Order a highly caffeinated beverage that will render you incapable of doing anything productive

Step 4: Take a million of those nifty quizzes on buzzfeed

Step 5: Creep on all the hot middle aged men in Starbucks

Step 6: Text all your girlfriends about said buffet of hot middle aged men

Step 7: Play the Facebook version of Tetris and conquer all who are in your way

Step 8: Revisit said task and have a quick thoughtful moment on how to accomplish it

Step 9: Look at the Lollapolooza set list and contemplate if you will pony up the cash to go this year

Step 10: Think about carbs and how you want to stuff your face with a bowl of pasta

Step 11: Realize said task is not going to get done

Step 12: Creep on any potential hot dudes in Starbucks

Step 13: Look away when getting caught scamming on dudes

Step 14: Take an “artsy” photo of your stuff in Starbucks

Step 15: Post said photo on all social media sites

Step 16: Enjoy the outpour of likes said photo receives

Step 17: Contemplate becoming a photographer for 2 seconds

Step 18: Avoid thinking about what you’re supposed to be doing at all costs

Step 19: You realize that Starbucks may not be the best place to get stuff done

Step 20: Go home and figure out how you’re going to finish said task

 

 

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Said Artsy Photo

Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day: The Pitfalls of Growing Up in an Instant Gratification Society

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Whenever I try something new or resolve to make a change in my life for the better, I expect insta-success. Whether it’s a new workout regimen, getting up earlier, or just being a better person, I often feel “failure” because I haven’t seen the results in the short amount of time that I begin these endeavors.

Growing up in an¬†ever-growing technology based world, I’ve grown accustomed to not having to put much effort into certain tasks. For example, the ability ¬†to communicate with someone across the world within seconds. Before you had to use snail mail and it would take a few days. But now, you can do it almost immediately. ¬†You can order virtually almost anything online and have it shipped to you rather quickly too. Hell, I can order food and literally not have to interact with anyone. If I hear a song on the radio and I have¬†to have it, I can go on my Iphone and buy it right then and there. I don’t even have to go to the store or even my computer anymore.¬† We’re all about the now now now.

I love all the technological advances we as a society have made, but I fear it has made me impatient. Keeping up a solid workout schedule for instance. If I’m not seeing the process instantly, I give up thinking I’ve failed. When actually it takes time. Another example, in the past my organizational skills left a lot to be desired (translation: if my head wasn’t attached to my body, I would have lost it years ago). Currently, I’ve had 7 days worth of solid success of getting my crap together. I’m trying to get back to the basics. Patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait.

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