I’m Free to Do What I Want…

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Ok so here’s the news I’ve been wanting to share with you all!!!

I decided to quit my corporate big kid job!!

And you know what… it feels AMAZING!!!!!!!

Now granted, I’m super fortunate for the experience and the opportunities it afforded me. Not a whole lot of 22 year old kidults graduate college and land a full time gig let alone one that pays very well with a lot of perks.You’re probably wondering why the hell I would quit a job that gave me financial security/stability for the unknown

It’s quite simple… I was MISERABLE

One thing I’ve learned is that for some companies salary= slavery, I’m not kidding

When I tried having a day off I was still beholden to emails, conference calls, texts, etc. I never really had a day to myself to just unwind and be a human being. Instead, the expectation was that I was to be available all the time, anytime. And trust me when I say, it made functioning not easy You see, because I never felt like I was able to wind down, I was just frazzled, absentminded and flustered. Remembering things from 5 minutes ago let alone 5 days ago became a chore. On top of that I got lost in translation. My personality went from bubbly optimistic dreamer to boring negative hermit.

I noticed I began withdrawing from society. Instead of going out with friends I just literally bundle up in my blankets in my apartment and watch Duck Dynasty with my dog. Now I’m not the only who felt this way about my job. My peers in my same position shared the same sentiments. I should also mention being with the company for over a year, I was considered a veteran if that helps give you an idea about how out of sync things were.

The average “life” of a person in my position is about 3-6 months. Due to the huge time commitment (time suck)  and unrealistic expectations, most people in their right minds run for the hills. I think one of the major reasons why I stuck it out for so long was pride. I didn’t want people to think I was “running away” or I couldn’t hack the pressures of the job. Honestly, I really didn’t want to be thought of as the “kid” who couldn’t handle the adult world. In retrospect, I now know that it’s not because I’m scared, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. I mean granted if I was passionate about the career I had been in, maybe the long hours and no life would be ok, but having the world’s worst boss (I’m dead serious) on top of it made it too much.

It honestly felt like a bad relationship. Too tired and frustrated to stay, but too insecure/unsure to leave. At first thinking about leaving was scary, but now as I finished my final day, I am more than ever 100% ok with my decision. It’s like I can breathe again. The world was taken off of my shoulders and I can dare to dream again. The moment I realized I needed to make a change was when I was on vacation last week. I’d noticed that I’d missed a lot of life events of my friends and loved ones because of work. I’d also realized I’m further away from what I want to do than I was when I had first started. The whole reason why I took the position was that they offer tuition assistance. What they failed to tell me was that I sold my soul when I began my employment and I wouldn’t have time to sleep let alone get a master’s degree.

So now, after all is said and done. I really want to get back into the things that give me joy. Somewhere along the lines of corporate aspirations and world domination, I lost sight of the quirky, witty, free spirit girl I used to be. I want to find that girl again. I miss her terribly.

Being that today was my last day, it was bittersweet with a cup of good ol’ sweet validation. I was given a lot of kudos today from people that I least expected. The early on doubters of my capabilities ended wishing me well! I have to tell you it was one of the most humbling experiences.

The biggest take away for me is that money isn’t everything. Money is useful and nice to have; but money doesn’t make you laugh. You cannot recall past events or reminisce with money. Money will never ask how your day was or listen when you’re having a crappy one.

Now that I am a bum, there will be more blogging on my part. I refuse to give an estimate because we all know I lie. Also I’ll get back to discovering what makes me tick. For the better part of almost 2 years I’ve put “me” to the wayside. In the words of Mick Jagger, “I’m free to do what I want, any ol’ time”!

 

 

Micromanage Me, Please!

Here’s an article I found on Harvard Business Review that is helpful for anyone who has encountered a boss that micromanages. I myself have struggled with this in the past. I hated getting ready to go to work because of the dread of dealing with said boss. The incessant emails/texts at all hours. The expectation to work whenever I was awake. It was incredibly daunting.  For a while I thought that is was just me, but as it turned out, that person managed everyone that way; which says a lot about them and not their subordinates. 

Since I realized that it wasn’t my performance that was the issue and my coworkers and I knew we couldn’t change it, we decided to have a little fun with our situation. My co-workers and I starting making daily $5 bets on how many emails our boss would send us. I’m proud to say I won quite a bit and I took my winnings in the form of a caramel macchiato :-).

Have you ever had the “pleasure” of dealing with a boss who micromanages? How did you cope/survive? 

 

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I Left My Heart In San Diego

Ok, so that’s not the actual song title (San Francisco), but the sentiment remains the same! I’m back in Satan’s butt crack (I laugh every time I write that) super rejuvenated from my little excursion.  San Diego, specifically Pacific Beach, was a much needed shock to the system. Every time I come back to my home state, it’s like I’m recharging my batteries! I feel like a better person (dramatic much?).  Plus the gorgeous SD weather was everything I hoped for and then some.

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– Me driving into town on Friday

I checked out the local bar scene while I was in Pacific Beach. If you’re ever there, I highly recommend Duck Dive. That place was amazing! Great environment and the outside patio was great for checking out the local talent (a.k.a hot dudes). For those who have never visited San Diego (or California for that matter) 8.9/10 guys are ridiculously beautiful. I mean just stop what you’re doing and stare ostentatiously  gorgeous men (And they say women aren’t visual). Anyway, back to the point, the scenery was just breathtaking and I couldn’t get enough of it.

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-Sunset Friday evening

While the scenery was amazing, it was great to catch up with my good friend Toni. I told her that I secretly hated/envied her for living a stone’s throw away from the beach!  As I’ve complained about (a lot) I rarely get down time, it was nice to be a regular person for two days. We had a good time laughing about life and how crazy everything has turned out thus far. In our senior AP English class, our teacher told us to imagine where we’d be in 5 years. 7 years later, I can whole heartedly tell you my journey to date looks absolutely nothing like I had imagined it. Though, I cannot complain as to where it has gotten me either.

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-Pier Saturday evening

Another great thing about San Diego is Ikea!!! I love love love Ikea and I am severely disappointed to not have one here. We have prostitutes and gambling but no Ikea, get it together Vegas! Saturday I spent quite some time perusing the aisles and looking at amazing things to furnish my place with. I’m going to need at least 16,000 sq. ft. in my future home to satisfy my interior decor needs. Time to find a sugar daddy… 😉 Anywho, my mini trip was just what the doctor order and I enjoyed every minute. I hope everyone’s weekend was just as enjoyable as mine. Happy Monday!

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Congratulations! You are Normal

It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing.  The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!

Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”.  I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!

So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.

 

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Getting My Shit Together

I’m a procrastinator; I fully take responsibility for that. Up until recently, I was a successful one. That sounds ludicrous but hear me out. All during my academia period, I was able to load up on Starbucks and bust out any assignment (be it a paper, math equations, etc.) literally hours before it was due. Maybe it was the thrill of the “do or die” experience, but procrastination was my friend.  Plus I never really had any backlash from it.

On top of being a procrastinator, I’m incredibly charismatic. For some reason, my professors, bosses, friends’ parents all seem to think I was awesome. So I was able to charm my way into getting things done, or if I was a little late professors would give me the benefit of the doubt.  I was having my cake and eating it too. That is, until recently when reality bitch slapped me in the face.

When I entered the “adult world”, ie a fulltime job, my procrastination skills began to rear their ugly head. All of a sudden, my lack of preparation and preference of turning things in late were not acceptable. (No matter how cute my smile or “legit” my excuse was. For the first time I was being held accountable for my irresponsibility and I did not like it at all. I began experiencing stress, fear, anxiety, and I just became frozen. Whenever I needed to get something on a deadline I would just freeze and do nothing. It really brought me down.

Recently, I decided to get in gear and start making a schedule for myself. I now have a white board that has my entire schedule for the day. It took me a bit to commit but for the past week, I have been following it religiously. I have to admit it feels amazing to be on top of everything. I really like being able to end the day knowing that I accomplished what I set out to do. I also do things better because I took the time to do it right instead of doing a rush job. So here’s to putting procrastination aside and being organized!

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The college student/adult transition conundrum

I’m sure like most people my age, the transition stage from college student to full fledged adult has its trials and tribulations. I mean seriously, if I would have known it was this confusing/difficult/emotionally draining, I would have found a way to stay in college forever.

I think it’s funny that society tells you to go to school, get an education, land a decent paying job, and presto! You’re an adult now. It seems so simple right? Well, anyone who is in/ or has been in this phase in life knows it’s not all sunshine and daisies. I can honestly say I was not prepared for the realities that the “Real World” has to offer.

Being responsible for yourself, paying rent, finding a job, paying bills, without the security of your parents are a few of the amazing amenities college students get to enjoy post grad. (Unless you were an independent student holding it down on your own during college, super kudos to you, you’re pretty much there.)

Never mind the financial pressures post grad students face, it’s really the emotional ones that are a bitch. For me, after graduating, I felt like I lost my identity. For 5 (super senior!) years, I was Taryn, the college student. After the ceremony and all the balloons and confetti were gone, I went from feeling like I conquered the world to feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I’ll admit I totally was green with envy to my friends and fellow classmates about their achievements and plans post grad. I had decided to “chill out” for a year and go to grad school. I thought it was a solid plan, that was until I found out that I was not “keeping up with the Joneses”.

I think one of the hardest parts of graduating is that your social circle shrinks SIGNIFICANTLY. Many of my hometown friends had transplanted to their respective college towns thus intensifying my feelings of failure. Plus the high school people who stayed local are more concerned with local parties, drama, etc that you can’t relate to. (Not knocking people who don’t attend college, but, let’s be honest conversation topics are few and far between). Even for an extrovert like myself, it’s difficult to make new friends.

One of these days someone needs to create an exit class that all college seniors must take to prepare them for the anti-climatic lull they almost certainly will face after graduation. Hm maybe I’ve found my new calling…

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