Put Yourself Out There

Have you ever sat in a crowd of people and felt like you were the only person in the room? If there is one thing that I’ve learned these past 5 months is that no man is an island. You need people in your life, both professionally and personally. I will admit, I tend to try to go the lone wolf route and I can guarantee I’ve fallen flat on my face because of it. Now I’m understanding that I need to connect and also ask for help and that it’s ok to do so. There’s no point in trying to reinvent the wheel, especially if there are tons of good ones out there already.If I had to offer any advice to my millennial cohorts it would be this:

1. Be Honest and Ask For Help

If you do not understand something, talk with someone who does. I cannot tell you how many countless endeavors, I‘ve been at the mercy of because I did not want to appear “incompetent”. This has been a tough habit to kick, but the funny thing is, the more I communicate my needs, the more I connect with others. I find that when I’m being emotionally honest and am investing in a conversation, I’m getting more intrinsic value out of it. That only happens when you are honest with what you want and seek out others to make it happen.

2. Be Vulnerable

I used to think that being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and boy was I totally wrong. Whether you’re summoning up the courage to talk to the dude you creep on at the coffee shop, or asking for more responsibility at work, you have to be transparent. Sure there is a possibility that you may not get the result you were hoping for, but you wouldn’t get it anyway if you did nothing altogether. And who knows, you could have a hot date and a raise, you have to put it out there first.

3. Invest in Others

In the culture of “now now now” I find it commonplace for people to not put much effort into their relationships with others. You would think with all this technology surrounding communication, we’d be pro’s at interpersonal communication, but that is just not so. We’re so plugged in looking for the next best thing we don’t realize that what we’re looking for could be right in front of us. It just takes a little time and elbow grease to get there. Instead of dismissing one another, try and actually get to know people. I’ve been working on getting to know others and not writing people off, and you know what? Some of those people aren’t half bad. Had I just gone with the first impression and kept my elitist attitude, I would not have seen the awesomeness of some people I am proud to call friends. I could spend a lot more time on this and maybe I will in another post, but if you take anything away from this, I hope it’s that we all need someone to lean on at some point. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, you have to have someone you can confide in. Of course, this can be absolutely terrifying in the beginning. Sharing feelings? Yuck, who does that? But once you start it’s one of the most rewarding experiences one can have. So I challenge everyone to ask for help, or talk to a stranger sometime this coming weekend. Who knows where it could take you? 🙂

orig-21166575

dannykurily.buzznet.com

What Makes Me Tick?

Being someone who has been in a perpetual state of standstill, I envy/am in awe of those around me who have purpose. To be specific, the friends who have goals/dreams or things they have the conviction of carrying out. I’m on day #2 of being a bum and it honestly feels like I’ve awakened and have been thrust back in the this world called “life” and I’m years behind because I was off elsewhere. For the better part of 2 years I’ve been doing what I “thought I was supposed to do” rather than finding out what makes me fulfilled. It’s weird to say that I’m not quite sure what it is that I’m passionate about per se. I’m pretty good at a lot of things and have a decent knowledge of a broad amount of topics. It’s like that saying “jack of all trades, master of none”. I’m excited to start my journey of self discovery and see where it takes me. Granted I’m not going to go to the desert and smoke peyote or something, but hey who knows? 😉

Image

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

 

Image

 

So I was actually going to start this off by saying that the reason my blogging has been incredibly inconsistent is due to my crazy work schedule.  I realized that was an excuse. Then I was going to explain missing a few days of my 30 day challenge was due to my being tired from said crazy work schedule. Another excuse. To add the cherry on top, I was going to complain about my lack of friends in my new city (been here for a year) is because I am too busy/tired to make any. I’ve come to realize, I’ve stopped doing things and started making excuses for literally everything!

My lack of writing is not because I’m too busy, it’s from my will not to do so. My weight gain is not my work schedule’s fault, but my inability to prepare/ set aside time to work out. And, my hermit lifestyle cannot be blamed on all of the above; the plain and simple truth is that I have not made the effort. Somewhere along the line, I determined that excuses are ok. I can blame away everything and it is never my fault.  I’ve created my own personal culture of excuses. Well, it’s time to change that perception. I am taking responsibility for my actions or lack there of. I am going to regain control of my life instead of leaving it up to excuses. I will start this by taking an honest hard look at myself in the mirror (both figuratively and literally)

I tend to let my mood be easily swayed by external events/people. Thus I’m always in an emotional whirlwind. One thing I’ve come to recognize is that happiness comes from within. I cannot allow myself to be swayed like tree branches in a harsh breeze. If I want to do something, I should do it. No excuses. I’m going to change “I can’t” to “I can” I’m challenging myself to dig deep and change my perceptions. I know it won’t be easy, but guess what? I can.

 

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” 
― Benjamin Franklin

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” 
― George Washington

“Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. 

~Don Wilder and Bill Rechin

 

Congratulations! You are Normal

It’s time to break my writing hiatus! Perception is such a funny funny thing.  The more I read blogs by my fellow 20 somethings, I realize that we’re all on the same boat! It’s so easy to spend all your energy on your own issues that one can fail to see that everyone has their stuff to deal with. And chances are, they are not so different than you!

Being the “take the bull by the horns” person (sometimes) that I am. I enlisted the help of a therapist (who is absolutely wonderful btw) a few months back to help me deal with my “issues”.  I mean because I’m sure no one else could ever feel inadequate, misguided, inexperienced, and overwhelmed like I do, right? Wrong! Funny thing is at one point, she told me “Taryn, everything you’re experiencing is completely normal for someone your age”. Imagine that. Finally for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like a martian who was looking from the outside in. Maybe I am actually part of the human race after all!

So my point is, whether or not you know it (because I sure didn’t) we’re going to survive the quarter-life crisis. I will not always be the unsure “am I doing this right” girl that I am now. So in the mean time, I plan on enjoying my surroundings and commiserating with my fellow 20 somethings because misery loves company (just kidding). But know that if you are on this boat, you’re not the only one; and eventually I’m sure this road will get a little less rocky. For now, congratulations! You are normal.

 

images (5)

It’s Not You it’s… Oh Wait, it’s You

The relationships in my life are incredibly important to me. Whether they’re romantic, familial, or of the friend variety, I respect and love the people that I share my life with. With that being said what happens when that relationship seems to be wrecked beyond repair? A friendship for example; after a gnarly argument, how do you get back to the place before words were said and feelings were hurt? Is there a point of no return and all hope is lost? These are questions that I’ve been wracking my brain with for the better part of 2 months.

I pride myself for not being able to hold a grudge (or so I thought). Typically, if I get into a tiff with anyone whether I’m right or wrong, the storm doesn’t last long at all. I just don’t see the need to hold onto such animosity for a long period of time. I just don’t have it in me. I understand that arguments/misunderstanding are apart of life and they will always happen. More often than not, bonds are usually strengthened after a fight in my experience.

I tend to adopt boxing rules when engaging in an argument. My requirements when dealing with conflict is that both parties A: fight fair,  B: No blows below the belt or kidney (metaphorically speaking of course), and C: after all is said and done everything is left in the ring. Now, in my 23 years on this earth, these methods have worked well for me, so much so whenever I am faced with an argument, I’m not even phased with it because it’s only a temporary thing. One thing I’ve learned, is not everyone plays by the same set of rules.

I’m always about fairness; quid pro quo if you will. I don’t put much stock in astrology, however as a Libra, I do believe they were spot on when it comes to my need for things to be even. When I argue, I typically stick to facts and how they made me feel. I also  am a generous apologizer if I am the transgressor, and I expect my “opponents” to give me the same curtesy  Unfortunately, in this world not everything is fair. “Fair? Fare is what you pay to ride the bus. That’s the only fair I know.” If you’ve watched the first season of Weeds then you’ve heard that line. As much as I hate to admit it, there is a whole lot of truth to that statement. But I’m getting off topic.

For the first time ever, I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of an argument. First, the fight definitely was not fair. Second, low blows were dealt that I’m still recovering from. Third, obviously not everything was left in the ring by both parties involved. This one definitely did not fit neatly into my box of “how to argue fairly”. After “smoothing things over, I find myself questioning the integrity of the friendship.

I am not someone who freely shares feelings with people. My thoughts are my own and for the most part are tightly kept in my crazy little brain. So it really stings to have a friend that knows you well, use your thoughts/feelings against you. It’s quite cruel actually; and during my latest argument, that is exactly what my friend did. I was definitely taken aback by the hostility of what occurred, it was like an argument that you would have with an enemy, not a good friend. Even now, I still feel the sharpness of her words and it still hits hard. Granted, I could have taken pot shots too, but it’s just not in my nature. I sure as hell thought about it though. I have forgiven my friend and I am not longer upset with our initial problem, however that argument did open up a new can of worms now I’m at a crossroad.

My dilemma is this: now knowing what I know, how do I go back to business as usual? I have no desire to share things with that friend anymore; not after seeing her carelessness of my feelings. Maybe with more time, this will blow over. Our friendship seems more like a mirror that has been broken into tiny minuscule little pieces that have been glued back together. It’s whole again, but it’s definitely not in the same form that it once was.

Image

You Are Here

Recently I’ve found myself looking for the next best thing. For instance, I’m not the hugest fan of my current location and I think life would be soooo much better if I was on the coast again. Then, I stopped to really think about it, and I’ve always been more interested in where I’m going, not where I am; and that’s no way to live. I’m deciding to be happy and content now, not when I get to my next destination. Tomorrow is always going to be a day away so I’m going to start living for today 🙂

 

Image

To Continue, Press Play

I’m trying to enjoy a rare day off and for some reason, I am stuck in frozen mode. You know that anxious feeling you get when you know you have things to do but for some reason you just cannot move? Well that’s me currently. Even though I’m current on my “to do lists”, I still feel a bit overwhelmed. This whole “adult” thing is still new and a lot to process.

I will admit that I tend to be a wait for the “other shoe to drop”, type of person so at times it is difficult for me to accept that everything is O.K. and to live in the moment. I suppose I’ve been in “overcoming bad shit” mode for so long, I’m scared to enjoy the good. So, to get out of this lame mindset, I’m going to keep telling myself that it is O.K. to enjoy what life has to offer. And, if “bad shit” comes my way, I can deal. For the moment, I’m going to enjoy the good. 🙂

Image

I Now Pronounce You, Adult

Image

I often wonder, how does a person know when they’re an “adult”? Is there a feeling and you just know? Or do you go through an experience where you face trials and tribulations and you come out on the other side a full blown adult? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a ceremony that officially makes you an adult? There would be a specific time and place where you stand before God and all your peers in front of some qualified individual (possibly Morgan Freeman) who anoints you into adulthood.

Currently I find myself in limbo. It’s like that awful Britney Spears song “Not a girl not yet a woman”. Ok, terrible analogy but there is some truth behind it. From a tangible aspect, I am an adult. I pay taxes, pay bills, go to work, etc. Emotionally on the other hand is a different story. Whenever I am talking to an older adult, I always feel like a kid. Now this has nothing to do with the other person and how they are talking to me. It’s just a feeling that someone older and with more “authority” is talking to me.

Recently I had to assert my “adultness” to get a point across. There was a dispute with one of my findings at work which was being called into question. I then had to use my authority and my knowledge on the subject at hand to prove a point. Now as I was in the midst of the situation, I remember thinking to myself, “oh jeez, there’s no way they’re going to listen to some kid just out of college”. To my shock and chagrin, my point came across loud and clear and was respected. Why, because at that moment I realized that I am an adult and my peers see me that way as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t feel like the “real deal” by any means. There are still moments (quite a few) that I lean on my parents for emotional support. I know I’m spoiled to have 2 people in this world who give me the assurance that I don’t need to have all the answers at this stage in my life. They definitely bring me back to earth when I go on my “I’m not on the right path” tangents. I suppose that in then end, it is a process that everyone goes through at their own rate. It is most certainly not a “one size fits all” endeavor.

All Dressed Up and Too Scared to Go.

Being a workaholic and 23 makes for a dull girl. I should know, because I am that girl. I came to Sin City temporarily 10 months ago just to visit family after school for a month or so. I ended up staying for a job that offered me a a pretty sweet salary and great healthcare! (Hey, broke college grad and student loans, don’t judge). My work life is pretty much the only life I have which does not bode well for maintaing a social life.

So, last week I decided to take my abysmal social life into my own two hands. I discovered meetup.com! Since I am a total book nerd, I found a great nonfiction group to join. The first book was about an American Ambassador in Germany during WWII. Great! Totally up my ally since I majored in political science in international affairs, specifically Central European Politics. I read the book, enjoyed it and was so ready and stoked to go talk about an incredibly interesting book with a group of strangers.

An hour before the meetup, I’m stoked with anticipation waiting to get ready to go. After 10 minutes, I got cold feet and just twiddled around on the internet.  After it was all said and done, I was severely disappointed with myself because I know I would have really enjoyed the conversation let alone interaction with people outside of work!But in reality, it’s incredibly scary to take the step into meeting new people. I suppose I’ve been out the “game” for so long, I fear I don’t know how to go about it. So now, I wait for the next meeting, hoping I have the gull to follow through.

scared

Do what you love or do what makes you money? Can I get another option Please?

I remember when I was younger, I had an exact idea of who I wanted to be. I envisioned that I’d be a lawyer, who was crazy successful, and rolling in the dough. My reasoning behind that chosen profession was because of its status. Lawyers are respected, and that was something I wanted. Later on I’d come to find out that it was not something I enjoyed. My passion is literature, but, in my teenage opinion, this was not a suitable endeavor. I’ve always fashioned myself as someone practical. My rationale was that I’d get a legit degree, have a “serious” career and live happily ever after. So that’s what I set out to do. A few years and a Political Science degree later, I have my “serious” career and am successful, yet I am absolutely miserable. The one thing I didn’t count on when I was growing up is that you need to have a drive or sense of purpose in the things you do. Don’t get me wrong, I do my job and I do it well, but when all is said and done at the end of the day, I can’t say I’m living “the dream”. You always hear the sage wisdom of “do what you love” or “money isn’t everything”. Of course my younger cynical self thought otherwise, but I’ve come to realize that it’s true, at the end of the day, no matter how big the paycheck, if you aren’t happy doing what you’re doing, you aren’t happy, period. So currently, I am at a crossroads in my life. Do I, play it safe by sticking with the status quo of making good money in a career I could not give two shits about; or move to the city with aspirations to become a successful writer? At this point, I’d kill to have a life blueprint right about now.