Tag: relationship

I got outted

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No, not that kind of “out”. I still have a healthy appreciation for the male species. 😉

I am referring to a relationship, however, and that is with Christ

Closeted Christian

Up until recently, I’ve always kept a lowkey position about my faith. Not because of shame or embarrassment, but rather out of humility. Today there are so many fake Christians, touting superiority and judgment, failing to see how their behavior is not only abhorrent but a true disservice to what it actually means to follow Christ. For me personally, I always tried to let my actions speak for my faith. Helping those in need, being a light, while trying to live according to how Jesus lived.

Seeing the light

Last year, I went on an epic journey that not only confirmed my belief in God, led me on some epic adventures. I swear my life was like some adventure movie, it was pretty crazy. I was so hooked, I was giving away my stuff to the homeless people in my neighborhood, feeding people whenever I could, it was amazing.

Enduring hardship

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that the more you begin to follow God, the more you’ll face different types of opposition. At first, I didn’t think anything of it as last year things were practically falling out of the sky. This year, however, has easily been the toughest year since 2008. I literally experienced loss at every level. Work and relationships were obliterated in the process out of the blue. This wasn’t like I dropped the ball in being accountable, quite the opposite. In fact, this year, I poured more love and hard work into every aspect of my life and like rain in a blistering dry desert, all of my resources evaporated.

I’ll admit, I got a little frustrated. At one point, I was asking God, “What gives?”. I was spending so much time helping others and turning the other cheek, and I was still getting drop-kicked in the face. Eventually, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and decided to really closely follow the Bible, which funnily enough has detailed accounts of every single experience I’ve gone through. Even now as I’m still going through the wilderness– though I feel as that is coming to an end– I can’t help but feel overjoyed with gratitude. In the midst of my struggles, I’ve received mercy and kindness from the unlikeliest of people, and through it all, I’ve wanted for nothing.

Being accountable

So back to the outted part. I’ve been editing my dad’s blog over a year now. It’s a Christian blog that gives anecdotes of biblical wisdom with a chapter of scripture at the bottom. We publish each day. This past week as he’s been in Switzerland, the responsibility of creating content has fallen on my shoulders. At first, I was just going to ghostwrite as I didn’t want to put my name out there. Again, not out of shame, but honestly because I feel like I’m just a snot-nosed young person. What kind of wisdom do I have? Still, I felt compelled to put up something and as I began to write, I realized that I did have something to say. Plus since I was publishing under his platform, it wasn’t like anyone I knew would see it. Man, was I wrong.

Funnily enough, I configured my dad’s blog to share on his Facebook page. Unbeknownst to me, since I was writing under my account, the posts were being shared on my page too! Upon learning this, I was horrified. I was so scared of what my peers would think. I didn’t want anyone to mistake the work for arrogance or that I felt my life was superior in any way. I also didn’t want the responsibility of having to step my lifestyle game up. More to the point, I didn’t want people to judge me when I fall short, which will happen because I’m human.

In fact, my life is a bit of a whirlwind right now, but I say that without shame. But then I realized, that as a person who follows Christ I can express my faith without pretending to claim perfection. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. My experiences have exposed my flaws and I’m working on being the best that I can be. I’ll always be a work in progress, but I don’t need to hide that.

Stepping out in faith

I won’t always be writing on my dad’s blog, but I’ve decided that I want to start reblogging his posts here for anyone who may care to read them. May they encourage you in your journeys! Happy Thursday, everyone! 🙂

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Put Yourself Out There

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Have you ever sat in a crowd of people and felt like you were the only person in the room? If there is one thing that I’ve learned these past 5 months is that no man is an island. You need people in your life, both professionally and personally. I will admit, I tend to try to go the lone wolf route and I can guarantee I’ve fallen flat on my face because of it. Now I’m understanding that I need to connect and also ask for help and that it’s ok to do so. There’s no point in trying to reinvent the wheel, especially if there are tons of good ones out there already.If I had to offer any advice to my millennial cohorts it would be this:

1. Be Honest and Ask For Help

If you do not understand something, talk with someone who does. I cannot tell you how many countless endeavors, I‘ve been at the mercy of because I did not want to appear “incompetent”. This has been a tough habit to kick, but the funny thing is, the more I communicate my needs, the more I connect with others. I find that when I’m being emotionally honest and am investing in a conversation, I’m getting more intrinsic value out of it. That only happens when you are honest with what you want and seek out others to make it happen.

2. Be Vulnerable

I used to think that being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and boy was I totally wrong. Whether you’re summoning up the courage to talk to the dude you creep on at the coffee shop, or asking for more responsibility at work, you have to be transparent. Sure there is a possibility that you may not get the result you were hoping for, but you wouldn’t get it anyway if you did nothing altogether. And who knows, you could have a hot date and a raise, you have to put it out there first.

3. Invest in Others

In the culture of “now now now” I find it commonplace for people to not put much effort into their relationships with others. You would think with all this technology surrounding communication, we’d be pro’s at interpersonal communication, but that is just not so. We’re so plugged in looking for the next best thing we don’t realize that what we’re looking for could be right in front of us. It just takes a little time and elbow grease to get there. Instead of dismissing one another, try and actually get to know people. I’ve been working on getting to know others and not writing people off, and you know what? Some of those people aren’t half bad. Had I just gone with the first impression and kept my elitist attitude, I would not have seen the awesomeness of some people I am proud to call friends. I could spend a lot more time on this and maybe I will in another post, but if you take anything away from this, I hope it’s that we all need someone to lean on at some point. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, you have to have someone you can confide in. Of course, this can be absolutely terrifying in the beginning. Sharing feelings? Yuck, who does that? But once you start it’s one of the most rewarding experiences one can have. So I challenge everyone to ask for help, or talk to a stranger sometime this coming weekend. Who knows where it could take you? 🙂

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It’s Not You it’s… Oh Wait, it’s You

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The relationships in my life are incredibly important to me. Whether they’re romantic, familial, or of the friend variety, I respect and love the people that I share my life with. With that being said what happens when that relationship seems to be wrecked beyond repair? A friendship for example; after a gnarly argument, how do you get back to the place before words were said and feelings were hurt? Is there a point of no return and all hope is lost? These are questions that I’ve been wracking my brain with for the better part of 2 months.

I pride myself for not being able to hold a grudge (or so I thought). Typically, if I get into a tiff with anyone whether I’m right or wrong, the storm doesn’t last long at all. I just don’t see the need to hold onto such animosity for a long period of time. I just don’t have it in me. I understand that arguments/misunderstanding are apart of life and they will always happen. More often than not, bonds are usually strengthened after a fight in my experience.

I tend to adopt boxing rules when engaging in an argument. My requirements when dealing with conflict is that both parties A: fight fair,  B: No blows below the belt or kidney (metaphorically speaking of course), and C: after all is said and done everything is left in the ring. Now, in my 23 years on this earth, these methods have worked well for me, so much so whenever I am faced with an argument, I’m not even phased with it because it’s only a temporary thing. One thing I’ve learned, is not everyone plays by the same set of rules.

I’m always about fairness; quid pro quo if you will. I don’t put much stock in astrology, however as a Libra, I do believe they were spot on when it comes to my need for things to be even. When I argue, I typically stick to facts and how they made me feel. I also  am a generous apologizer if I am the transgressor, and I expect my “opponents” to give me the same curtesy  Unfortunately, in this world not everything is fair. “Fair? Fare is what you pay to ride the bus. That’s the only fair I know.” If you’ve watched the first season of Weeds then you’ve heard that line. As much as I hate to admit it, there is a whole lot of truth to that statement. But I’m getting off topic.

For the first time ever, I am having an extremely difficult time letting go of an argument. First, the fight definitely was not fair. Second, low blows were dealt that I’m still recovering from. Third, obviously not everything was left in the ring by both parties involved. This one definitely did not fit neatly into my box of “how to argue fairly”. After “smoothing things over, I find myself questioning the integrity of the friendship.

I am not someone who freely shares feelings with people. My thoughts are my own and for the most part are tightly kept in my crazy little brain. So it really stings to have a friend that knows you well, use your thoughts/feelings against you. It’s quite cruel actually; and during my latest argument, that is exactly what my friend did. I was definitely taken aback by the hostility of what occurred, it was like an argument that you would have with an enemy, not a good friend. Even now, I still feel the sharpness of her words and it still hits hard. Granted, I could have taken pot shots too, but it’s just not in my nature. I sure as hell thought about it though. I have forgiven my friend and I am not longer upset with our initial problem, however that argument did open up a new can of worms now I’m at a crossroad.

My dilemma is this: now knowing what I know, how do I go back to business as usual? I have no desire to share things with that friend anymore; not after seeing her carelessness of my feelings. Maybe with more time, this will blow over. Our friendship seems more like a mirror that has been broken into tiny minuscule little pieces that have been glued back together. It’s whole again, but it’s definitely not in the same form that it once was.

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