Yesterday I wrote about receiving constructive criticism and how I was going to “learn from the experience” and all the jazz. Well, to be honest, I have not written nor researched the project I’m supposed to turn in. Instead I’ve been licking my wounds, sulking while playing Tetris, and avoiding all responsibility. Why? Honestly, because I’m not use to being told my half-assed work doesn’t cut the mustard. I’m intelligent, no really, I’m pretty damn smart and I’ve been getting away with so much bullshit because of it. With that being said, it’s given me the ability to slack off and still come out the victor for many years thus making me arrogant, a little entitled, and possessing a gross sense of overconfidence in my procrastination abilities. In laymen’s terms, my shit doesn’t stink. However yesterday, I had to wake up and smell the poo.
Being told that my work wasn’t good enough was like a bullet to the heart, granted I really did not put in the effort. To give you a better understanding, I wrote a 1000 word article on a topic I had absolutely no idea about in under an hour. That time includes the research that I did for the article. Of course on the shallow spectrum the article is amazing, it offers some basic insight on the subject. However the client does not want a fluff piece, they want a serious in depth article and are shelling out legit dinero for me to do so. So why I thought a bullshit puff piece was going to work is beyond me.
Currently I’m stuck in the land of anxiety and avoidance. My fear is that I could write this article and do it justice, thus greatly changing up my M.O. and forcing me to “try”. On the other hand, I could put my blood, sweat, and tears into this article and still not be good enough. The more I talk with friends and peers, I realize I’m not alone in the conundrum. My people (millennials) suffer from fear of rejection. It’s true, ever wonder why most 20somethings don’t commit to say, anything? It’s because in order to succeed in relationships, work, life, etc you have to make an effort. Some of these efforts we win, and some we lose. Let’s be honest, losing sucks and we don’t want to do it. So there’s this lackadaisical approach to a lot of endeavors. We mask these fears by offering up explanations like “focusing on my career” or “I like not having to be tied down to stuff”. That’s code word for being scared of commitment because of the possibility of failure. As I said yesterday, I think this stems from not being exposed to enough rejection. I’ve rarely opened myself up to the possibility of rejection. This has left me extremely sensitive to criticism/rejection, so much so that I’m hindering myself.
In order for me to really grow from this experience, I need to take a good look in the mirror and honestly accept my part in my lack of effort. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m going to need to experience some good old fashion rejection to become more accustomed to it. Now, I’m done throwing my pity party and I want to experience the world come what may. I need to do that article, not because of monetary reasons, but to show myself that life requires participation. Failure is part of the equation and I must embrace it. With that being said, off I go, shutting down the anxious thoughts in my brain to conquer this fear! My challenge to my fellow millennials is to do something that you’re afraid of. It’ll make you better in so many ways. 🙂