I’m Fine

Posted on August 29, 2014 Posted in LifeTagged acceptance, Depression, Emotional Health, Human Behavior, I'm Fine, Life, Lying, Mental Health, social anxiety, Social Norms, Socially Acceptable, Ups and Downs8 Comments

Hello world!

After a long unintended hiatus (again), I’m returning to write this post. If you’re wondering why my blog has been pretty much dead for awhile the answer is simply, I’ve been unhappy. Rather than write about how life has been kicking me in the metaphorical balls lately, I figured radio silence was the most appropriate course of action. As they say, if you can’t say something nice, and all that jazz. I’m still working through some stuff but I wanted to get some stuff of my chest, so here goes.

First and foremost, I want to junk-punch the moron who decided it was socially appropriate to pretend that everything in life is fine when it totally isn’t. I mean really??! It sucks!

Imagine you are having a shitty day and one of your friends comes up to you in great spirits. What are you going to say when she asks about how you’re doing? “I’m fine” You could be going through some painful experience and rather than say you’re having a tough time, you lie.

Why is it that we are so ashamed of being upset/unhappy, that we’d rather lie our asses off and pretend that life is all sunshine and daisies? Mental health is such a stigma in the U.S. it’s ridiculous. Hell, you could admit to being an adulterer and you’d be better received than if you were to admit that you are depressed. It’s funny really.

Welp, let’s challenge the status quo. It starts with acceptance. It’s totally ok to have a bad day, week, month. Don’t be ashamed, understand that in life, there are hills and valleys and it’s not always going to be perfect.

Be understanding, if you know someone who seems to be out of sorts.
Be supportive, give them their space, but if they need an ear, be there for them.
Be respectful, when they do come to you, keep an open-mind and don’t treat them like they are a freak of nature.

Everyone gets down in the dumps from time to time. We’d all get along better if we actually were honest about our feelings. Right now, I’m not 100% fine and that’s ok. But soon I will be! 🙂

Live Like It’s the 90s

Posted on June 30, 2014 Posted in Humor, LifeTagged 90s, Commitment, Communication, Flaking, friends, Generation Me, Generation Y, Going out, Humor, Millennials, Movie, Saying No, Showing Up, social anxiety, Social media, textingLeave a comment

Ever notice how difficult it is to commit to say, anything?

Remember when you made plans with friends to meet up at the movies? Well back in the dark ages, there was no way really communicate with your friends, your parents just simply dropped you off at the theater and you all magically showed up. What a concept?! I’m sure this practice seems archaic to younger folks, but back then, when plans were made, you kept them, because there was no way to back out.

The one thing I love about technology is that we can instantly get in contact with one another. It also allows us to be flaky little sons of guns as well. Since we can easily talk to each other and make plans, it ultimately gives us the option to say no right up to the event itself. Why is it that we don’t follow through with plans then turn around and complain about not having reliable friends? It’s like a never-ending conundrum. Let’s be honest, how many times have you made plans to only bail on them at the last minute? I’ve done it more times than I’d like to admit. Interestingly enough, I was talking about this with a girl I met at the dog park today and she admitted to being in the same boat as me. So in an effort to live more organically, I’ve decided to opt into a more 90s kind of life.

When I make plans with friends, I’ve decided that unless I’m having a dire medical emergency, I’m following through. I’m going to pretend as though my phone does not exist and that texting has not yet been invented. Why? Simply because if I “don’t have the means to communicate” I have to assume that the other person is waiting for me therefore making me obligated to show up. I’ve actually done it a couple times, and dare I say, I’ve enjoyed my outings. So here’s to a little personal responsibility and enjoying each other’s company “IRL” 😉

Have you ever bailed on a friend for whatever reason? Let me know 🙂

Put Yourself Out There

Posted on May 22, 2014May 22, 2014 Posted in LifeTagged failure, Family, fear, friends, inspiration, millennial, quarter-life crisis, relationship, social anxiety, social life, vulnerability2 Comments

Have you ever sat in a crowd of people and felt like you were the only person in the room? If there is one thing that I’ve learned these past 5 months is that no man is an island. You need people in your life, both professionally and personally. I will admit, I tend to try to go the lone wolf route and I can guarantee I’ve fallen flat on my face because of it. Now I’m understanding that I need to connect and also ask for help and that it’s ok to do so. There’s no point in trying to reinvent the wheel, especially if there are tons of good ones out there already.If I had to offer any advice to my millennial cohorts it would be this:

1. Be Honest and Ask For Help

If you do not understand something, talk with someone who does. I cannot tell you how many countless endeavors, I‘ve been at the mercy of because I did not want to appear “incompetent”. This has been a tough habit to kick, but the funny thing is, the more I communicate my needs, the more I connect with others. I find that when I’m being emotionally honest and am investing in a conversation, I’m getting more intrinsic value out of it. That only happens when you are honest with what you want and seek out others to make it happen.

2. Be Vulnerable

I used to think that being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and boy was I totally wrong. Whether you’re summoning up the courage to talk to the dude you creep on at the coffee shop, or asking for more responsibility at work, you have to be transparent. Sure there is a possibility that you may not get the result you were hoping for, but you wouldn’t get it anyway if you did nothing altogether. And who knows, you could have a hot date and a raise, you have to put it out there first.

3. Invest in Others

In the culture of “now now now” I find it commonplace for people to not put much effort into their relationships with others. You would think with all this technology surrounding communication, we’d be pro’s at interpersonal communication, but that is just not so. We’re so plugged in looking for the next best thing we don’t realize that what we’re looking for could be right in front of us. It just takes a little time and elbow grease to get there. Instead of dismissing one another, try and actually get to know people. I’ve been working on getting to know others and not writing people off, and you know what? Some of those people aren’t half bad. Had I just gone with the first impression and kept my elitist attitude, I would not have seen the awesomeness of some people I am proud to call friends. I could spend a lot more time on this and maybe I will in another post, but if you take anything away from this, I hope it’s that we all need someone to lean on at some point. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, you have to have someone you can confide in. Of course, this can be absolutely terrifying in the beginning. Sharing feelings? Yuck, who does that? But once you start it’s one of the most rewarding experiences one can have. So I challenge everyone to ask for help, or talk to a stranger sometime this coming weekend. Who knows where it could take you? 🙂

dannykurily.buzznet.com

Talking to Strangers

Posted on March 19, 2014March 22, 2014 Posted in LifeTagged anxiety, Bum Island, exercise, Humor, Interacting, Irony, making friends, muscle, Parents, slave to the man, Social, social anxiety, Talking with strangers, Unemployed4 Comments

I find it absolutely ironic that the one major thing our parents told us not to do (talk to strangers) is one of the hardest things for people to accomplish. Well, it is for me at the very least. I can be described as an introvert cloaked in an extrovert’s clothing. Meaning, I look like I’m totally outgoing and will act as such, but really I’m just a neurotic weirdo who silently has anxiety attacks when thrown into unknown social situations. When I was a “slave to the man” I had to interact with tons of people. Extroversion was a muscle that I had flexed quite a bit. Now that I’m on Bum Island, most of the time it’s just my fur-child and I.

Quick exercise science question: what happens to a muscle when you don’t use it? You lose it. Same goes for my learned extroversion. Granted I have made more friends in the past 7 weeks than I have all of last year, but the little things tend to freak me out. Grocery shopping while it’s crowded or calling customer service people for example. Recently, I’ve discovered that doing the simplest tasks involving massive amounts of people terrify the hell out of me. Seriously, I’m getting an anxiety just thinking about it. Yesterday, I had to go to the grocery store at night. It went more smoothly than the last time, however I could sense my apprehension as I entered the store. Maybe it’s because I’m not around a lot of people as I used to be but, crowds can get a little overwhelming. Now, I’m not agoraphobic, in fact, I love walking around my neighborhood with my dog. The weather has been nothing short of superb, so I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts. I also frequent the Starbucks near my house to write and to people watch. I absolutely love people, though I’ve been known to observe people instead of interacting with them. I am trying to find a happy medium between the two.

Since my whole declaration of getting out of my comfort zone, I have made progress. I chatted up a cutie at the coffee shop (my execution was laughable, but progress is progress). Also I’ve been really getting into eating healthier and exercising regularly. Now it’s time to start exercising that social muscle. Still, talking with strangers is something we need to do to make them friends right? After all, we all started out as strangers at some point.