I’m Free to Do What I Want…

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Ok so here’s the news I’ve been wanting to share with you all!!!

I decided to quit my corporate big kid job!!

And you know what… it feels AMAZING!!!!!!!

Now granted, I’m super fortunate for the experience and the opportunities it afforded me. Not a whole lot of 22 year old kidults graduate college and land a full time gig let alone one that pays very well with a lot of perks.You’re probably wondering why the hell I would quit a job that gave me financial security/stability for the unknown

It’s quite simple… I was MISERABLE

One thing I’ve learned is that for some companies salary= slavery, I’m not kidding

When I tried having a day off I was still beholden to emails, conference calls, texts, etc. I never really had a day to myself to just unwind and be a human being. Instead, the expectation was that I was to be available all the time, anytime. And trust me when I say, it made functioning not easy You see, because I never felt like I was able to wind down, I was just frazzled, absentminded and flustered. Remembering things from 5 minutes ago let alone 5 days ago became a chore. On top of that I got lost in translation. My personality went from bubbly optimistic dreamer to boring negative hermit.

I noticed I began withdrawing from society. Instead of going out with friends I just literally bundle up in my blankets in my apartment and watch Duck Dynasty with my dog. Now I’m not the only who felt this way about my job. My peers in my same position shared the same sentiments. I should also mention being with the company for over a year, I was considered a veteran if that helps give you an idea about how out of sync things were.

The average “life” of a person in my position is about 3-6 months. Due to the huge time commitment (time suck)  and unrealistic expectations, most people in their right minds run for the hills. I think one of the major reasons why I stuck it out for so long was pride. I didn’t want people to think I was “running away” or I couldn’t hack the pressures of the job. Honestly, I really didn’t want to be thought of as the “kid” who couldn’t handle the adult world. In retrospect, I now know that it’s not because I’m scared, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. I mean granted if I was passionate about the career I had been in, maybe the long hours and no life would be ok, but having the world’s worst boss (I’m dead serious) on top of it made it too much.

It honestly felt like a bad relationship. Too tired and frustrated to stay, but too insecure/unsure to leave. At first thinking about leaving was scary, but now as I finished my final day, I am more than ever 100% ok with my decision. It’s like I can breathe again. The world was taken off of my shoulders and I can dare to dream again. The moment I realized I needed to make a change was when I was on vacation last week. I’d noticed that I’d missed a lot of life events of my friends and loved ones because of work. I’d also realized I’m further away from what I want to do than I was when I had first started. The whole reason why I took the position was that they offer tuition assistance. What they failed to tell me was that I sold my soul when I began my employment and I wouldn’t have time to sleep let alone get a master’s degree.

So now, after all is said and done. I really want to get back into the things that give me joy. Somewhere along the lines of corporate aspirations and world domination, I lost sight of the quirky, witty, free spirit girl I used to be. I want to find that girl again. I miss her terribly.

Being that today was my last day, it was bittersweet with a cup of good ol’ sweet validation. I was given a lot of kudos today from people that I least expected. The early on doubters of my capabilities ended wishing me well! I have to tell you it was one of the most humbling experiences.

The biggest take away for me is that money isn’t everything. Money is useful and nice to have; but money doesn’t make you laugh. You cannot recall past events or reminisce with money. Money will never ask how your day was or listen when you’re having a crappy one.

Now that I am a bum, there will be more blogging on my part. I refuse to give an estimate because we all know I lie. Also I’ll get back to discovering what makes me tick. For the better part of almost 2 years I’ve put “me” to the wayside. In the words of Mick Jagger, “I’m free to do what I want, any ol’ time”!

 

 

To Meetup or Not Meetup; That is the Question

So earlier I had discussed how I joined a nonfiction book club on meetup.com and I was too chicken to go to the meeting. Well I found one that was about fiction, writing, and coffee hosted by someone who was actually in my age group (score!). Of course like any girl ever, I creeped on the other potential attendees to get a sense of what I was up against. Besides the moderator, there was another girl around my age so I was pretty optimistic about the odds. There were two older gentlemen signed up to go as well.

To be completely honest, I was dismayed when I saw the two older dudes on the list. It has been my experience that most men that age participating in the event are either inappropriately flirtatious trying to seek out a potential young caregiver, very lonely and use the group as a talk therapy session, or both. So on the first meeting I had my reservations, but I went anyway.

The first sign I knew it would go well was the fact that it was held at a Starbucks (reading and my java addiction fueled at once?! Hallelujah!). I met the moderator and it turned out that we hit it off. I knew I liked her once we had shared our mutual disdain about how pretentious Juno was (My apologies if you love that movie, but no 16 year old pregnant girl has the sense of humor that of a cynical 30 year old). Was I really about to make a new friend in this crazy city?! Though I did thoroughly enjoy my time during the meeting, my reservations were not completely off base. Cue creepy old dude…

I have to first start off by saying only 1 out of the 2 older gentlemen was pervy. He was definitely over sharing about his personal life. (Hey, this is the first meeting of a book club, not an Oprah couch session).  The topic of magazines came about and he just had to mention his only magazine of choice was “Playboy”. Naturally…What the pervy guy lacked the other guy made up for. He had this grandfatherly sage wisdom appearance about him. He spoke thoughtfully and contributed intelligent and relevant banter into the conversation. I will admit that I’m really a 45 year old trapped inside of a 23 year old, so I enjoy the company of people twice+ my age from time to time. (Ugh I think I sound like Juno 😉 )

All in all, I am very excited that I grew a pair and went to the first meeting. I ended up meeting people whose company I actually enjoyed. Admittedly I’ve fallen off the bandwagon of being a fully functional human being and boarded the workaholic train. Even the creepy old guy was a somewhat welcome change to my monotonous work fueled life that I’ve been living for the better part of a year. If stepping off the ledge and jumping into a book club could be this fun, who knows what other interesting endeavors I could be missing out on. Until next time…

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All Dressed Up and Too Scared to Go.

Being a workaholic and 23 makes for a dull girl. I should know, because I am that girl. I came to Sin City temporarily 10 months ago just to visit family after school for a month or so. I ended up staying for a job that offered me a a pretty sweet salary and great healthcare! (Hey, broke college grad and student loans, don’t judge). My work life is pretty much the only life I have which does not bode well for maintaing a social life.

So, last week I decided to take my abysmal social life into my own two hands. I discovered meetup.com! Since I am a total book nerd, I found a great nonfiction group to join. The first book was about an American Ambassador in Germany during WWII. Great! Totally up my ally since I majored in political science in international affairs, specifically Central European Politics. I read the book, enjoyed it and was so ready and stoked to go talk about an incredibly interesting book with a group of strangers.

An hour before the meetup, I’m stoked with anticipation waiting to get ready to go. After 10 minutes, I got cold feet and just twiddled around on the internet.  After it was all said and done, I was severely disappointed with myself because I know I would have really enjoyed the conversation let alone interaction with people outside of work!But in reality, it’s incredibly scary to take the step into meeting new people. I suppose I’ve been out the “game” for so long, I fear I don’t know how to go about it. So now, I wait for the next meeting, hoping I have the gull to follow through.

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